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Showing posts from July, 2009

Too Big

Customer: Hi I'm trying to send a database as an attachment to an email but it won't go.
Me: How big is it?
Customer: 32MB is that too big?
Me: What do you think

Free Support

Set the scene:
We have a customer who we used to provide hardware and software plus a maintenance contract as well. The owner decided that another company who we know pretty well could give them a better service so switched everything to them apart from the provision of BroadBand which we still do.

Customer: Hi my daughter cant get on the Internet at home
Me: Can it go on the Internet?
Customer: Yeah she needs an IP address
Me: She will need to connect to the router
Customer: Well my son cant connect either with his laptop
Me: Are you putting the passphrase in?
Customer: Whats that? Mark usually does that as you know, XXXXX Ltd looks after us

Basically he does not want support from us but because he has BroadBand from us he thinks that gives him the right to have unrelated work done by us for free!

Coffee, Oops

Customer: "Hi Pete one of the guys has spilled a full cup of coffee in their Laptop"
Me: "Oh dear, that will have killed it possibly"
Customer: "Yeah I guessed as much, the screen was still running so I switched it off quick and removed the battery"
Me: "Hm you might be lucky, stick it on its side and drain the liquid leave it to dry out and try switching it on"
Customer: "Yeah done all of that apart from switching it on will try that later"

Conclusion: So why the hell are you ringing me?

Where you going?

Customer: "Hi we have a satellite office at xxxxx and they want to move our office"
Me: Whats the new address and telephone number?
Customer: "Oh I don't know but we have to move by the 7th of August and their IT guy has just gone on two weeks leave"
Me: Er well there's not a lot I can do without the details.
Customer: Oh, um, I suppose I had better try and find out then.
Me: Good guess

When I am calling you

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Customer: "Hi its Lucy here from xxxxx Nora has a problem printing"
Me: So why are you calling and not Nora?
Customer: "Oh do you want to speak to Nora?"
Me: Well it might be an idea?
Customer: "Hi Nora here we bought a printer, not from you, but none of us can print and I wanted to check if there was anything you can think of before I call the people we purchased it from"
Me: No I cant think of anything better give them a call.

iphone I bought

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Customer: "Hi I bought an iphone from down the road can you tell me how to configure it?"
Me: Um yeah I can send someone out but it will be at our standard rate £65 per hour"
Customer: "Oh I don't want to have to pay"
Me: I'm afraid you will have to or call the people you purchased it from.
Customer: "But you do our email"
Me: Yes but that does not cover configuring your iphone we just handle your mail in and out.
Customer:"Well where does that leave me?"
Me: Reading the manual or paying us to configure it.