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Showing posts from April, 2013

I fooking hate ZenCart

So a customer came to see me to discuss yet more changes they wanted to make.

Customer: "See here on the final check out it's saying Tax 7%?"
Me: "So who changed the values?"
Customer: "I, I don't think we have?"
Me: "OK lets go Taxes--->Tax rates, change to UK 20%"
Customer: "Ooh was it that easy?"
Me: "Yep, but I'm still billing you for it."
Customer: "But? But?"
Me: "Hey, I knew how to do it and you didn't that's why you pay me."

Ker Ching

You fecking eejit

Me: "Why cant I ssh in?"
Me: "Helps if you use 10.165 and not 10.65 you cretin!"

Me: "Why is it not detecting index.php?"
Me: "It helps if you put the site in /var/www/ and don't put it in /root/ you amoebae!"

Oh go on!

Customer: "Hi, we have a printer that's off-line and I cant seem to get it back on. Also I have another printer I need adding to a PC."
Me: "OK but unfortunately you do not have a support contract with us so I'm afraid it's chargeable at £35 per hour."
Customer: "Yes I know we don't have a contract that's why we don't ring you very often."
Me: "Erm? OK?"
Customer: "Is there anyone there that can point us in the right direction?"
Me: "Yes, at £35 per hour."

Hello Mr Garage owner, you know you fitted a new wiper blade three years ago well I need some help with .........


Coffee anyone?

Customer: "Hi Pete, can I order two of your XP refurbished boxes please?"
Me: "Tell you what, if you order three I'll make you a nice filter coffee when you come to collect."
Customer: "But I don't need three?"
Me: "It's very nice filter coffee."
Customer: "Well I suppose I can put one in the warehouse, go on I'll take three then."

I do like a man who can be bribed with filter coffee.

Enjoy the Easter holiday?

Gaffer: "Hmm, I had to spend ages on Friday sorting out an email issue for a customer, great Bank holiday I had!"
Me: "Ah well, that's what comes of part owning the business."
Gaffer: "Hrmph, mutter, mutter, grumble."