Tuesday, 25 June 2013

Move on.

I'm pretty sure I've covered this type of thing before? People love excuses to get out of doing things, it's amazing the effort they'll put into fighting to uphold the reason no matter how painfully obvious it is that the excuse is pathetic. If only they'd put as much effort into actually doing the task set.

Telesales: "I cant get onto the Internet."
Me: "That's OK move on.
Telesales: "But I need to check an email address."
Me: "It's not important, move on to the next call."
Telesales: "But what if I need to check that address as well?"
Me: "Then leave that one as well and move on."
Telesales: "But there maybe more?"
Me: "Right, you have xxxx amount of calls you need to make, they're not being made while we are faffing about with Internet access and email issues. All you need to do is make a note of the company on your pad and go back to the record later or even tomorrow and fill in the email address, it's not a show stopper. I cant believe every call needs to be checked against a website, that's even if they have a site!"
Telesales: [muttering under breath] "Internet, check again, need the info for the records, cant get on."

Sheesh.

Thanks for the order.

Customer: "OK Pete, hang on while a I raise a PO for you. Oh look you're still on the list?"
Me: "Is that the A list?"
Customer: "No it's the warning list, when I put your name in alarm bells went off and the lights started flashing!"

Bastid!

Monday, 24 June 2013

Mission impossible.

Colleague: "The reason you are not getting his emails is because your IP has been blocked."
Customer: "Can you send me an email explaining why?"

I kid you not!

Thursday, 13 June 2013

Why? Why? Why?

Customer: "WHY DID YOU NOT RING US AT 8:00am?"
Me: "Because we do not start till 9:00am"
Customer: "WHY DID YOU NOT PHONE US AT 9:00am?"
Me: "Because the email with the answer only came in 5 minutes ago and it's now 9:25am?"

I just love that before I've even had a coffee.

Tuesday, 11 June 2013

I have mail, is it working?

For those of you who follow this blog you'll know we had a web services outage yesterday.

Customer: "Hi Pete, can you tell me if the mails are working again?"
Me: "Have you had any mail?"
Customer: "Yes."
Me: "Well they're working then."
Customer: "Have we had them all?"
Me: "I dunno, let me look in your shoebox that we keep on the shelve marked 'Incoming mail'"

Can you tell me if they're working. Tears are rolling down my face.

Monday, 10 June 2013

How will I know?

Me: "Yes we are experiencing some outages on email delivery at the moment, we are aware of it and working on it. Just bare with us and we'll get them back up as soon as possible."
Customer: "Can you email me when they're back up?"

I think the flood of mail will be a good indication?

Thursday, 6 June 2013

Say sorry!

Customer: "Hi Pete, listen I'm ever so sorry, I made a mistake, I need to order an extra monitor to go with the three I asked you about earlier. Sorry to be a pain."
Me: "Tsk, oh OK then, I'll add it to your order, tut."

Don't you just hate selling? ;-)

Wednesday, 5 June 2013

Same sauce different gravy.

Me: "Yep, we do template driven websites."
Customer: "What does that mean?"
Me: "Well it's a set of preconfigured templates that you add content to. The only restriction is lets say you want a bumble bee floating in from the left, that's not going to happen."
Customer: "That sounds perfect."

Four days later.

Customer: "Hi Pete, I'd like to go ahead with that site. You know you was saying about it being template driven, what if I wanted a speech bubble?"

#facepalm

Colleague: "Ah well, see Pete, you told him about the bumble bee but you made no mention of speech bubbles did you?"

Monday, 3 June 2013

Ring Ring

We charge to connect your iphone, Blackberry, Android Phones to you mail accounts.

Customer: "Hi, I'm having a bit of trouble connecting this Iphone to the new starters email account."
Me: "OK but we charge for connecting phones you know?"
Customer: "WHAT! For putting a few settings in?"
Me: "Umm? Clearly it's not as simple as putting a few settings in or you wouldn't be calling?"
Customer: "Well xyz normally helps me out."
Me: "Really? How many times? I clearly need to raise some invoices."

Why do people immediately assume they're going to get things for free in the IT world?