Friday, 30 August 2013

Now where's this end go?

Customer: "Can you come and fit another screen please?"
Me: "When you say 'another' is that an additional screen or a replacement?"
Customer: "It's an additional one, I just bought a 22" Monitor to match this one."
Me: "Can your graphics card support dual display?"
Customer: "Ooh I don't know I just thought you could plug another one in?"

#facepalm

Wednesday, 28 August 2013

Banks.

Me: "Can you confirm this account is paid?"
HSBC: "There is a final payment of £18.13 Mr Cannon"
Me: "That's interesting because I have a closing balance on this statement of £17.78?"
HSBC: ""
Me: "Are you about to tell me the final payment will be next month?"
HSBC: "Yes Mr Cannon, the final payment will be taken on the 1st September."
Me: "Typical bank, squeeze one last payment, The account was started in August 2009. Please make a note I shall be cancelling the direct debit the middle of September and will make no further payments."
HSBC: "Yes Mr Cannon, your account will be paid however we do not send out any 'account paid' letters."
Me: No, I know you don't, so the poor customer never has anything in writing to say the account is closed do they?
HSBC: "Thank you Mr Cannon and have a very pleasant day."

Kiss my .....

You're never too old.

Customer: "So this router you supplied recently...."
Me: "Hold the phone there a second. We supplied that router in February 2012!"
Customer: "Well that's not long?"
Me: "Clearly you and I have a very different definition of a year old?"

Monday, 19 August 2013

What's that then?

Engineer: "Can you tell me what's on the screen?"
Customer: "What's that?"
Engineer: "You know, the monitor attached to your PC."
Customer: "Oh that."

Just let me cry, I don't mind crying, honest.

Tuesday, 13 August 2013

Good to be back.

Boss: "Where's this cone come from Pete?"
Me: "Why are you asking me, I've just come back off holiday!"
Boss: "Really, I hadn't noticed."

Bastid!

Thursday, 8 August 2013

The old charity scam

Prospect: "Can you tell me a little bit more about these 8100's?"
Me: "Such as?"
Prospect: "Well, are they in good condition? Are they as good as new?"
Me: "Well they're refurbs? They're not new and that's reflected in the price. If they was new they would be far more expensive."
Prospect: "What I mean is, do they have any scratches or marks?"
Me: "Well they have been used, but they usually sit under a desk anyway. They may have the odd scuff mark."
Prospect: "Is that price including everything?"
Me: what do you mean by everything?"
Prospect: "VAT, Delivery."
Me: "Umm? It does say on the email all prices exclude vat and delivery?"
Prospect: "I can collect."
Me: "Unfortunately the delivery price is from the supplier so it makes no odds if you collect or not."
Prospect: "Well they're for a charity............"

Here we go

Let me decipher that for you;
"I cant afford  a brand new i5 machine but I saw your email and thought phwoar that's cheap but then saw there was VAT and delivery and thought, I know I'll try the old charity ploy and see if I can get more knocked off because I never accept that the price stated is the price I have to pay.