Monday, 21 October 2013


Customer: "Hi Pete, my ESET says it's found four threats!"
Me: "Well it's doing what it is supposed to do then and protecting you."
Customer: "But I cant remove them."
Me: "Aye? Let's remote in and have a look."
Customer: "OK"
Me: "THE SCANS NOT FINISHED YOU................................"

Monday, 7 October 2013

When all else fails reboot

Customer: We're having real trouble with the database. Can you reboot the SQL Server?
Me: "OK I'll get it rebooted now."
Customer: "Are you going to phone them to make sure everyone is logged off?"
Me: "But you just asked me to reboot it, are people still on it then?"
Customer: "No idea? Shall I ring them?"
Me: "It's a novel idea, lets throw caution to the wind and say yes shall we?"
Customer: "Shall I get them to phone when everyone is off?"
Me: Er no, I don't want 40 people ringing me."
Customer: "I'll designate one person although I don't think this will fix it."

Wednesday, 2 October 2013

Do I look like a mind reader?

My barely adequate physic defences are already weakened even more so by this stupid cold........

Colleague: "When are they doing it?"
Colleague: "Have they ordered the part?"
Colleague: "Did they say how long it would take?"
Colleague: "Are they going to take it there and then order the part?"
Me: "LOOK! We're not mind readers! Why don't you go and ask them rather than us?"

When I'm ill I take no prisoners.