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Showing posts from August, 2016

There's always someone better.

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So I've been flogging my guts out every day walking and swimming. After a lunchtime walk I had a conversation with our receptionist who has been with us about eight months now.



Samantha: "All this walking, maybe you should start walking to work?"

Me: "Funny you should say that, It's about seven miles to my house by car but there's a public footpath that's about four mile. I was thinking of maybe getting a bike."


Samantha: "Is that along the canal?"

Me: "Well the disused one, yes. But it looks muddy in places?"


Samantha: "I used to run to Walsall along that."

Me: "Run to Walsall? From Cheslyn Hay?"

Samantha: "Yes"

Me: "How long did that take?"

Samantha: "Three hours."

Me: "Get lost run to Walsall."

Samantha: "Pete, I used to do long distance running. I used to run for the county"

Me: "Get lost and don't speak to me, I'm closing me door"

Samantha: "Ahah…

Swimming

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The showers of my local Leisure Centre

Woman: "Well that's my 60 lengths done in 30 minutes."

Me: "Actually I'm really happy with my 50 lengths in 50 minutes."

At that point the 187 year old woman shuffled out the shower.

Are you listening to me?

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Idiot: "Hello, this is <unintelligible> from HP. Can you tell me the person responsible for purchasing toner cartridges in your organisation?"

Me: "We don't purchase them."

OK, that's not strictly true. We do purchase them, now and again, from suppliers but not from distribution.

Idiot: "OK, can you tell me who's in charge of purchasing them then please?"

Me: "Aye? How can there be anyone in charge of purchasing them if, as I've already said, we don't purchase them?"

Click, Brrrrrrrrrrrr

Me: "Hello?"

Are you listening to me?

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Idiot: "Hello, this is <unintelligible> from HP. Can you tell me the person responsible for purchasing toner cartridges in your organisation?"

Me: "We don't purchase them."

OK, that's not strictly true. We do purchase them, now and again, from suppliers but not from distribution.

Idiot: "OK, can you tell me who's in charge of purchasing them then please?"

Me: "Aye? How can there be anyone in charge of purchasing them if, as I've already said, we don't purchase them?"

Click, Brrrrrrrrrrrr

Me: "Hello?"

Oi, Waterboy!

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I went to the doctors last week because my legs and feet are swelling up like balloons. As expected they took bloods, however I did say "Don't bother with the cholesterol, I know it's through the roof." the reason they were taking bloods was to make sure my kidneys could withstand the water tablets I was hoping to get.




last night I went back for the results.

Nurse: "Ah Peter, your here to talk about your cholesterol?"
Me: "Erm? No."
Nurse: "Oh? You had some bloods taken last month?"
Me: "Erm? No, last week."
Nurse: "Why are you here?"
Me: "For my results?"
Nurse: "What was you tested for? Maybe I should look at the notes."
Well duh!
Me: "I was tested to make sure water tablets didn't kill me. My legs and feet are up and down like yoyo's"
Nurse: "Ah, well your heart is fine, your liver is fine and your kidneys are fine, however your cholesterol has increased."
Me: "Yes, well, a…