Are you serious?

Customer: "Can you get me a battery for our Acer Travelmate?" Me: "What model number is it?" Customer: "I dunno you sold it us" Me: "I need the part number off the battery really but if you can find out what model it is I can do it that way" Customer: "Cant you just look it up you sold it us" Me: "Yes OK I'll get someone to sit down and go through Sage" Hello is that Kwik-fit yeah I want a tyre for my car, I dunno what size, I dunno what car!

Customer: "When we purchased the kit off you last month you supplied 3 copies of Office 2007 but Debbie's machine cant open the documents" Me: "That's because she is on Office 2000 you need to purchase another 2007 license" Customer: "But we've already paid you for sorting our system out" Me: "Yes but you said to leave Debbie's machine" Customer: "Well I don't think that's very good customer care you should make a gesture of good will and sort this out" Me: "I want to this is why I have advised you that you need to purchase an additional license or make sure everyone saves in the old format" Customer: "We are not spending any more money this really is not good enough" I just cant think of a witty response for the minute other than "Nice try".

Customer: "I can't open an attachment on an email" Me: "I thought you had winzip installed?" Customer: "I do but the icon in the attachment won't open" Me: "Hang on you can open the attached zip file then?" Customer: "Yes but the word icon inside is not opening" Me: "Can you right click it please, what's it say in the property's?" Customer: "shortcut to O:/Customers/quotes/blahblah" Me: "They've sent you the shortcut not the file ask them to send the document" So we have two Muppets, the one who sent the shortcut and the recipient who doesn't know what a shortcut is.