Are you serious?

Customer: "I cant get on the O: drive or the Internet" Me: "Your server is down? Have you switched it off?" Customer: "I dunno I haven't" Me: "Can you switch it back on" Customer: "How do I do that?" Me: "See that button near the logo? press it" Customer: "Oh some lights have come on" Me: "Yes its booting did you not look at it when you couldn't get on the O: drive then?" Basics.

Customer: "Hi have you got a problem with your Internet?" Me: "What do you mean?" Customer: "I cant get on the site from my favorites it says insecure site" Me: "Ah that means they either issue their own certificate, or the certificate has expired" Customer: "Well its not done that before I used it the other day" Me: "Things change" Customer: "What do I do?" Me: "It should say something like get me out of here or continue but not recommended" Customer: "It says continue not recommended in brackets" Me: "There you go click on that" Customer: "You sure its not your servers?" Me: "No its nothing to do with us at all we are not the Internet" Customer: "We get our Internet from you?" Me: "No you access the Internet via us, what everyone does on the Internet is not our responsibility" Customer: "Well I cant be doing with this every da...

Colleague: "Why is xxxxx not on our database?" Me: "Because nobody has bothered to put them on?" Colleague: "Why is his division not on the database?" Me: "Yes it is look xxxxxx a divison of xxxxxx" Colleague: "Whats his phone number?" Me: "I have no idea we have just ascertained he does not have a record" Colleague: "But, but, I need to call him back" Me: "Did you not think to write his number down?" Colleague: "I thought we had it" What does assume make? ASS out of U and ME.