Are you serious?

Marketeer: "Hi there just wanted a quick chat about a new service we are offering, most company's have a tele sales team cold calling we offer qualified sales leads! the idea is we've done all the work and have a customer looking to buy we put that lead on our website and a bit like ebay you bid on that lead" Me: "Erm hang on, so I pay you money for a lead we then go off and try to close that lead what happens if we're rubbish at selling? Or they can get it cheaper somewhere else?" Marketeer: "Erm? Ooh, Er, Well the leads are fully qualified" Me: "Yes but what if we are too expensive?" Marketeer: "Well we would just qualify the lead obviously it would be up to you to close the deal?" Me: "Yes and in that vein I'm closing the phone call" I wonder how many have fallen for this scam?

Customer: "Hi I wanted to download a program for our Tachograph system but I was not allowed so you put it on a disc for me, I want to know if its downloaded?" Me: "Um I presume you mean have we downloaded it on to the disc?" Customer: "Well apparently I don't have permission to do it" Me: "OK lets take a step back shall we, I would imagine you can download anything while you do have a web proxy box unless Ian has banned the site and I take it he has not as you can get on to it you can download. What you probably cant do is install the software as I suspect you do not have administrator rights?" Customer: "Oh" Me: "We possibly downloaded it and burnt it to disc for you because you said you could not download but unless you are allowed to install its not worth anything to you" Customer: "So should I really be talking to Ian then?" Me: "Seems like a plan" #facepalm

My family is full up with the lurgy (Illness), My daughter rang the doctors for an appointment; Daughter: "Can I book an appointment to see the doctor please?" Receptionist: "I'm afraid we have nothing for two weeks" Daughter: "I need to see the doctor today?" Receptionist: "I might be able to squeeze you in on Tuesday of next week at 2.30pm" Daughter: "I'm at work then I need something around 5.45 - 6.00pm" Receptionist: "Ah we are not very good for workers" Daughter: "Sorry?" Receptionist: "Are you ill?" Daughter: "Am I ill? Why would I be phoning if I wasn't ill?" Receptionist: "Well we are very busy?" So it would seem our local GP only caters for OAP's and dole scroungers the poor saps who actually pay National Insurance get shafted yet again.

Me: "What's the telephone number of that phone on the front desk?" Colleague: "Its 460xxx" Me: "You sure?" Colleague: "Thats what I've got on these fliers." As our phone system has caller display I walked into our front office and rang our company telephone number from the said phone. Me: "Oi that number is 571xxx no wonder nobody has ever responded from them fliers or emails" Colleague: "I don't understand?" Me: "You haven't spent any money on fliers or brochures have you?" Colleague: "No" Pity you deserve all you get.