Are you serious?

Customer: "Can you come and fit another screen please?" Me: "When you say 'another' is that an additional screen or a replacement?" Customer:  "It's an additional one, I just bought a 22" Monitor to match this one." Me: "Can your graphics card support dual display?" Customer:  "Ooh I don't know I just thought you could plug another one in?" #facepalm

Me: "Can you confirm this account is paid?" HSBC: "There is a final payment of £18.13 Mr Cannon" Me: "That's interesting because I have a closing balance on this statement of £17.78?" HSBC: " " Me: "Are you about to tell me the final payment will be next month?" HSBC: "Yes Mr Cannon, the final payment will be taken on the 1st September." Me: "Typical bank, squeeze one last payment, The account was started in August 2009. Please make a note I shall be cancelling the direct debit the middle of September and will make no further payments." HSBC: "Yes Mr Cannon, your account will be paid however we do not send out any 'account paid' letters." Me: No, I know you don't, so the poor customer never has anything in writing to say the account is closed do they? HSBC: "Thank you Mr Cannon and have a very pleasant day." Kiss my .....

Customer: "So this router you supplied recently...." Me: "Hold the phone there a second. We supplied that router in February 2012!" Customer: "Well that's not long?" Me: "Clearly you and I have a very different definition of a year old?"

Engineer: "Can you tell me what's on the screen?" Customer: "What's that?" Engineer: "You know, the monitor attached to your PC." Customer: "Oh that." Just let me cry, I don't mind crying, honest.

Boss: "Where's this cone come from Pete?" Me: "Why are you asking me, I've just come back off holiday!" Boss: "Really, I hadn't noticed." Bastid!

Prospect: "Can you tell me a little bit more about these 8100's?" Me: "Such as?" Prospect:  "Well, are they in good condition? Are they as good as new?" Me: "Well they're refurbs? They're not new and that's reflected in the price. If they was new they would be far more expensive." Prospect:  "What I mean is, do they have any scratches or marks?" Me: "Well they have been used, but they usually sit under a desk anyway. They may have the odd scuff mark." Prospect:  "Is that price including everything?" Me: what do you mean by everything?" Prospect:  "VAT, Delivery." Me: "Umm? It does say on the email all prices exclude vat and delivery?" Prospect:  "I can collect." Me: "Unfortunately the delivery price is from the supplier so it makes no odds if you collect or not." Prospect:  "Well they're for a charity............" Here we ...