Are you serious?

Customer: "Hi Pete, my ESET says it's found four threats!" Me: "Well it's doing what it is supposed to do then and protecting you." Customer: "But I cant remove them." Me: "Aye? Let's remote in and have a look." Customer: "OK" Me: "THE SCANS NOT FINISHED YOU................................"

Customer: We're having real trouble with the database. Can you reboot the SQL Server? Me: "OK I'll get it rebooted now." Customer: "Are you going to phone them to make sure everyone is logged off?" Me: "But you just asked me to reboot it, are people still on it then?" Customer: "No idea? Shall I ring them?" Me: "It's a novel idea, lets throw caution to the wind and say yes shall we?" Customer: "Shall I get them to phone when everyone is off?" Me: Er no, I don't want 40 people ringing me." Customer: "I'll designate one person although I don't think this will fix it." #facepalm

My barely adequate physic defences are already weakened even more so by this stupid cold........ Colleague : "When are they doing it?" Colleague :  "Have they ordered the part?" Colleague :  "Did they say how long it would take?" Colleague :  "Are they going to take it there and then order the part?" Me: "LOOK! We're not mind readers! Why don't you go and ask them rather than us?" When I'm ill I take no prisoners.