Are you serious?

Customer: "Hi Pete, can you arrange for the mail to be put back on the original IP?" Me: "Sure, hey I know, lets check it's working first?" Customer: "Good idea." Me: "Nope .66 .69 or .71 is not accepting telnet connections." Customer: "That's strange? I'm sure it was .71 tbh." Me: "Oh" Customer: "What?" Me: "Helps if you put the port number on doesn't it?" Customer: "Just a bit."

irc://irc.freenode.net/tdtrs (15:32:09) tig|: how do you get four elephants in a mini? two in the front, two in the back (15:32:29) tig|: how do you know if there is an elephant in your fridge? footprints in the butter (15:32:47) tig|: how do you know if there is two elephants in your fridge? two sets of footprints in the butter (15:33:11) tig|: how do you know if there are three elephants in your fridge? the door won't close (15:33:27) tig|: how do you know if there are four elephants in your fridge? there is a mini in the driveway

For all my fellow sales people out there. Me: "Hi can I speak to Julie please?" Woman: "Who's calling?" Me: "It's Peter from xyz." Woman: "Is she expecting your call?" Really tempted to say "No" I mean what is she going to do, put the phone down on me? Put me on the "Doesn't know who he is" waiting list? Given you're going to say to, in this case, to Julie "I've got some bloke called Pete from xyz on the phone." your question of "Is she expecting your call?" is pretty pointless really.

So this fooking woman rang five minutes before my lunch asking about the maintenance contract we'd sent yet kept banging on about backups which was not in the contract. Out of professionalism I worked through my lunch in an effort to resolve her issue. She demanded to know " What the hell are we paying you for? " so I calmly explained all the in's and out's whereby she reverted back to the 'backups'. I pointed out that they didn't have a server at her location but this cut no ice, I started to talk about the cloud service we provide and that that was potentially going to be implemented at A-another location that they VPN into whereby she demanded to know what the cost was. Sadly as I'm not involved in that deal I was unable to tell her. She flew into verbal rage saying "I need to go, I'm putting the phone down. How can you talk to me when you know nothing!" And people call sales people bastards! Also:  DON'T FOOKING PHONE ...

Customer: "Our website is down." Me: "No, its not down, its broken." Customer: "Oh, that might have been me?" Me: "You need to disable xyz plugin." Customer: "But I cant get into the website." Me: "You have FTP access you can do it that way. If not we can do it but we will charge you xyz for doing it." Customer: "Oh, OK. Can you tell me what I have to do once I've FTP'd in?" FOOK OFF!