Are you serious?

Office bod: "Ello mate, is xyz there?" Me: "I'm afraid he left the office about fifteen minutes ago." Office bod:  "Well he sent me an email for a second twin monitor. Thing is I want one the same size as Eric" Me: "And what size does Eric have?" Office bod:  "A big one." Me: "A big one? Can you be more specific, what size is it?" Office bod:  "Umm? 58 inch is it?" Me: "I have no idea, measure it diagonally from corner to corner." Office bod:  "700mil" Me: [Deep sigh] "So 28" Inch then?" Office bod:  "Yeah, suppose so." Me: "What size is the monitor you currently have?" Office bod:  "19" inch" Me: "So do you want two 28" inch or just one 19" inch as they usually are the same size?" Office bod:  "I suppose the 19" inch" Me: "So what size is the one xyz quoted?" Office bod:  ...

I do so love these people who spout "Consumer rights at you" and yet  have no clue whatsoever that they're talking out their derrière. Just had some moron rant at me that; Moron: "By law all new goods must come with 1 years warranty!" Me: "How many are you looking for?" Moron: "None! I'm just telling you you're breaking the law by giving 3 months warranty!" Me: "Lucky they are refurbished goods then?" Moron:  "What? Aye? Erm?" Clearly  he had not read the email properly or he would have noticed the range of warranties from three, six to twelve months. And the clear wording "Refurbished" on those that were, but what is even more interesting is this person is such a sad sack that they waste theirs and my time to score some sort of personal success by finding something which actually does not exist. I suspect he's a Guardian reader? :-)

Customer: "I need a Hi-Spec laptop something really stable for our business." Me: "Well we have another customer who is in your line of work, I supplied them yesterday with one for just under £2K" Customer:  "Yes, the Director was thinking about £1K" Me: "OK let me get a quote together for that and the other work you want doing." A few minutes later. Customer:  "The budget for the laptop is £600.00." And would you like me to throw in a box of crayons, some play-doh and a painting by numbers book? Hi-Spec pfffft

Customer: "This laptop you sold me is well dodgy!" Me: "What do you mean dodgy?" Customer: "There's no Windows 7 licence and when I went to register it someone has pulled the serial number off!" Me: "They're under the battery." click brrrrrrrrrrrrrr