Are you serious?

I am living proof of those people who say "You know if I wrote a book about it nobody would believe it!" So I went to visit my daddy today in Birmingham QE hospital. I caught the train to Birmingham and had to change for University station. I spied a guy in blue offering platform information at Birmingham and made my way towards him. Mr Blue coat (I have no idea what they're called?) was just about to help a very smartly dressed guy who looked to be in his early twenties. Passenger: "Can you tell me where to go for the 13.20 to blah blah blah?" ( I forget where now ) Mr Blue: "Platform 7 sir." Passenger:  "Platform 7? You sure?" Mr Blue: "Yes sir, platform 7" Passenger:  "It says four coaches?" Mr Blue: "That's right sir." Passenger:  "So there's no tracks at platform 7 then?" Mr Blue: "I'm Sorry?" Passenger:  "I've never heard of coaches stopping at platf...

So I run an 'Opt-In' mailing list predominately of refurbished PC's and Laptops. All the prices are excluding delivery and are Ex VAT. I had this begging email when I got in this morning. I regularly get your email updates, but all of the available machines are more expensive than I want to pay. I currently have a Compaq Pressario running XP, however it is extremely slow. I need an XP machine as I cannot afford to upgrade all of the software on the one I have. I also have a Dell laptop running Windows 7 (64 bit). This is the specification for my Compaq: Compaq  Presario 6207EA Microsoft® Windows XP Home Edition Service Pack 3 Celeron CPU 1.70 GHz 1.49GB RAM Maxtor 2F040J0 Hard Drive 40 GB Samsung SP0812N Hard Drive 80 GB (Secondary Drive) HL-DT-ST DVD-ROM GDR8161B TDK DVDRW161N Floppy Drive I know that the deal on your update below is a good one, and I could load XP instead of 7, but it is still quite a way above my budget. Could you let me know if you ha...

Back in the good old days when you was allowed to shove small boys up chimneys ordering fish and chips was easy. "Fish and chips please love." the only response you got was "Salt and vinegar darling?" sadly today is very different. Ask for fish and chips now and you'll get a whole barrage of "Is that a special?" Armed with this we went to the chip shop last night fully prepared for their annoying options. Me: [Full of smugness] "Can I have sausage and chips special please." Assistant: "Is that the £1.50 or £2.50 special?" Aaaarrrgghh WTF!  Ok ok lets move on. Me: [Full of trepidation] "Can I have kebab meat and chips please, OH WAIT! you only do small or large don't you?" Assistant: "No we do a breakfast special, a daily special, a mini special, small, medium or large." Aaaaaaarrrrrrggghh! Can I not just go in, order something, get served and leave? :'(

Engineer: "Okay, put s&^jO0p+b in the password box" Customer: "What shall I put in the confirm password box?" Aaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrgggggggggghhhhhhh