Are you serious?

The supplier Supplier: "Hey Pete, I came in at 7:00am to get your five laptops out. I have just finished (9:05am) and was getting ready to box them up and realised you wanted 32bit!" Me: "You're an idiot, you've wasted the morning. Best bet, re-install, clone it, and image the others." Supplier: "Yeah." The Engineer Engineer: "Pete, all four of the machines have installed fine but SAGE refuses to install on the fifth one. I've tried it from USB, an external drive, I even replaced the ROM drive! I dunno what we are going to do?" Me: "You're an idiot, all five machines are the same hardware aren't they? So clone one of the four and then put that image on the fifth!" Engineer: "Oh yeah." I am surrounded by amateurs!

I sent out a flier yesterday for some Grade A Galaxy Tab III 8" tablets with a picture I hasten to add. This morning I had an email; Email: "Hi I'm interested in the 11" inch tablet can you also give me a price for Microsoft Office for it?" Doesn't anyone understand Roman numerals anymore?

Customer: "Can you hurry your supplier up and get me a quote. As you can imagine it is not good for business to have broken equipment." Er, hang on. I didn't break it.

Prospect: "If we supply our own graphics card can you take the graphics card out of the machine you've quoted and will that mean the price will drop?" Let me just take a screwdriver to the motherboard and bust off that chip!

So most of you will have heard my complaints about the difficulty in simply being able to order fish and chips from the chip shop? Well it would seem there are many other opportunities out there to eat up your lunch hour when trying to buy something. A well known UK car accessory outlet. Me: "Hi there can I have a Tom Tom Start 25 UK & ROF @ £99.99 please?" Assistant: "Do you want the maps for life?" Me: "Oh Christ, here we go! No thank you." Assistant: "Do you want the European maps?" Me: [Sobbing gently] "Could I just have the Tom Tom I asked for please?" Assistant: "OK I'll go and fetch one."