Are you serious?

That moment when you dig out a maintenance contract and find it was last updated in 2000! Me: "Remind me again who is responsible for reviewing contracts?" A-another: "Well it's not my customer!" Me: "That's an interesting concept, I was under the impression customers are everyone's responsibility ?"

Had a phone call form a guy trying to sell to us. Caller: "Hi, can I speak to xyz please regarding our fantastic whizzo solution?" Me: "I'm afraid he's out for the day but maybe I can help you?" Caller:  "Oh, can I ask who I'm speaking to?" Me: "No." Caller:  "No?" Me: "No" That wasn't on your crib sheet was it? :-D

Wife: "Do you want anything from the town today Bubb?" Me: "Ermm? Kylie Minogue?" Wife: "Shame, she's only there on a Tuesday." Damn!

Earlier this morning the wife announced she would be putting a dress on today. Wife: "What do you  think bubb?" Me: "Very nice, it makes a change to see you in a dress, I was beginning to think I was married to a bloke!" Even the dog laughed ☺

A female customer of mine. Customer: "Hi Pete, we need a couple of replacement computers." Me: "OK any idea what you have now?" Customer: [After some guidance] "They're P4 2.66 with 1GB of memory." Me: "I'm coming up there and I'm going to spank you, no seriously I am! Is there a little man at the back shovelling coal in the back of them? You do know Shakespeare wrote his plays on them!" Customer: [Laughing uncontrollably] "Well they still work." Me: "Yeah right , that's why you're replacing them. You do know we've gone metric as well don't you?" More uproarious laughter.

Me: "Actually I was surprised you placed another order, you did say you wouldn't be a regular buyer?" Customer: "To be truthful your style of customer treatment kept your name uppermost in my mind." Me: "Ah, so effectively you came back for more just in case you'd dreamt it? Customer: [Laughing uncontrollably] "Pretty much, yes." If you can make em laugh you've got em by the short and curlys. :-)

Hannah: "Hey dad I won £20 on the Lotto!" Monique: "I won £10" Me: "I didn't win anything with my two tickets but hey I won the lottery of life with my beautiful wife and two beautiful daughters." Wife: "Your dad's after something" O_o