Are you serious?

As some of you may know I had the two big toe toenails removed last week. Me: "Come and rub my feet will you?" Engineer: "Fook off will I rub your manky feet!" Me: "See, this is exactly the attitude I was talking about. Uncooperative and bolshy."

Customer: "Yes we'd like you to search his computer, we have reports he's looking at porn all day." Engineer: "Umm? These 583 bookmarks and 1.5GB of images might answer that question." Priceless.

The misses has bought some artificial flowers, they were sat on the kitchen windowsill last night when I came home. They're Ok, mind you what would I know about flowers anyway? I wasn't convinced they looked right where they were but after many years I have learnt to keep quiet on such matters. Wife: "Bubb, do these look OK on the telephone table?" Me: "TBH I wasn't convinced they looked right on the windowsill anyway." Wife:  "So they're alright there then?" Me: "Thing is, I liked the glass vase one that was on the telephone table." Wife:  "So you don't like it there?" Me: "Tell you what leave it a day or so and see how we feel." Wife:  "I'll put it back in the kitchen." Me: "OK if you like." Wife:  "You're so annoying! You moan you never get to choose stuff in the house and when I ask you about something you can't make your mind up!" Me: "Erm...

Me: "How come it's always me who has to sort out the problems and complaints?" Colleague: "Because you actually care about the customers." Me: "I'm not sure if that's a compliment or a sad indictment?"