Are you serious?

Customer: "Can you get me a battery for our Acer Travelmate?" Me: "What model number is it?" Customer: "I dunno you sold it us" Me: "I need the part number off the battery really but if you can find out what model it is I can do it that way" Customer: "Cant you just look it up you sold it us" Me: "Yes OK I'll get someone to sit down and go through Sage" Hello is that Kwik-fit yeah I want a tyre for my car, I dunno what size, I dunno what car!

Customer: "When we purchased the kit off you last month you supplied 3 copies of Office 2007 but Debbie's machine cant open the documents" Me: "That's because she is on Office 2000 you need to purchase another 2007 license" Customer: "But we've already paid you for sorting our system out" Me: "Yes but you said to leave Debbie's machine" Customer: "Well I don't think that's very good customer care you should make a gesture of good will and sort this out" Me: "I want to this is why I have advised you that you need to purchase an additional license or make sure everyone saves in the old format" Customer: "We are not spending any more money this really is not good enough" I just cant think of a witty response for the minute other than "Nice try".

Customer: "I can't open an attachment on an email" Me: "I thought you had winzip installed?" Customer: "I do but the icon in the attachment won't open" Me: "Hang on you can open the attached zip file then?" Customer: "Yes but the word icon inside is not opening" Me: "Can you right click it please, what's it say in the property's?" Customer: "shortcut to O:/Customers/quotes/blahblah" Me: "They've sent you the shortcut not the file ask them to send the document" So we have two Muppets, the one who sent the shortcut and the recipient who doesn't know what a shortcut is.

Customer: "When can you make our site live?" Me: "Its 10.40am now if you can get it done by say 11.30am our DNS updates at 12 midday so in theory you should be live after that time" Customer: "Groan, hm, erm, oh, OK thanks" Huh? Do you want it live or not? Is that too quick? Would you prefer it to take a week?

Customer: "Hi you've setup some web space and I've uploaded the site but its not working" . Me: OK let me look Me: There's your problem the webspace is the folder yourcomapnysite you've uploaded the folder /oursite with everything inside it . Have you been creating and working with web sites long? Customer: Click brrrr

Most sales people during their career will come across Customers or Prospects that will use you for your knowledge. They know you're pretty good at what you do but that possibly you are a little bit more expensive. They will ring and ask for a quotation but with no details, generally because they themselves don't know the specifications, for example; "Can you give me a quote for a Laptop?". Now like the good little trusting person you are you will spend the next 10-20 minutes tracking down a machine, maybe make a couple of calls for prices and availability and type out the details all at the expense of your employer. Having done a good job you will expect to 'get the order' but Oh no Mr Customer has just used you! They are now cutting-and-pasting your hard work into an email and asking all your competitors to quote! Now I suppose most people would say "And whats wrong with that?" apart from the fact that it tends to make you distrust Customers when ...

Customer: Hi I'm trying to send a database as an attachment to an email but it won't go. Me: How big is it? Customer: 32MB is that too big? Me: What do you think