Are you serious?

Me: "I'm calling with regards your ESET Anti-Virus. I sent an email, it's due to expire in 13 days now." Customer: "Yes it's come up amber, can you send us a quote?" Me: "I have, that's what the email was about. Somebody read it as I was notified?" Customer: "What email address did you send it to?" Me: "Yours." Customer: "Ah yes, as soon as I can get into my machine I'll sort it out." If you read it why do you need a quote?

Yellow Smartie: "Pete did we do a flier last night?" (Which is code for why didn't we do....) Me: "Because it was Tuesday" Yellow Smartie: "What do you mean?" Me: "Today is Wednesday, our flier is due out today." Yellow Smartie: "Why did I think it was Tuesday today?" Me: "Maybe because I was off Monday?" You won't catch me out that way . :-)

So the wife was having problems with a co-worker last night and was talking in general about it to her manager. Wife: "Does he have a problem with women?" Manager: "Dunno, he has been married 40 years?" Wife: "Ah that explains it." ROTFLMAO

This is why I'm crushed. Customer: "Pete is it possible to block all emails that start with Hi in the body of the mail for one user?" Me: "What? Are you serious? You cant really want that?" Customer: "That's the instruction I've been given." Me: "But all you'll do is in a month or so's time is come on the phone screaming a particular mail has not arrived." Customer: "Is it something you need to do or do I need to do it on my exchange box?" Me: "You need to do it on yours, sorry, bye." Click brrrrrrrr

This is why I'm crushed. We send out email newsletters with 'offers' on, this is an opt-in list before you start! Obviously it's done on a template, at the bottom in the footer there's the usual garb about who we are, unsubscribing and how you pay. Within the how you pay section it tells you the methods and "All our prices exclude VAT unless otherwise stated." Prospect: "Hi, can you tell me, does that £158.00 include VAT?" #facepalm

ACT1 SCENE1 Customer: "John sent me a new PC as mine was playing up, but I cant use the green and purple cables they don't fit!" Me: "Do you mean the keyboard and mouse cables?" Customer: "Yes" Me: "On the back of the PC is there a green and purple socket?" Customer: "I don't know! I cant work!" Me: "You will have to help me so I can help you, if you cant tell me I cant help can I?" Customer: "No there is no purple socket!" Me: "Ok so it's a USB only machine, you'll need a USB keyboard and mouse." Click brrrrrrrrr And thank you too.

ACT1 SCENE1 MS Fanboy1: "What's the username for Virtual Machine Server?" MS Fanboy2: "It's Root, it's always Root with Linux." No normal user then?