Are you serious?

Colleague: "They need more memory, it's only got two sticks of 512MB." Me: "What kind of memory? PC2? DDR? SDRAM?" Colleague:  "Oh, Ooh? Umm?" Colleague:  "Also they have a laptop and the 80GB HDD is full." Me: "Easy, we'll snapshot it, transfer the image to an 120GB drive, jobs-a-goodun." Colleague:  "Good idea." Me: "What type of drive is it? Is it SATA or IDE?" Colleague:  "Oh, Ooh? Umm?"

Day 1 Me: "So as you can see the menu across the top already has six entries, I'm not sure there is room for a seventh one? Customer: "It would be good if it was possible. Me: "I'll try and see if it looks OK." Day 2 Me: "OK the menu bar now has seven entries. We had to remove the language choice feature but it's done and amazingly does not look squashed. Customer:  "Brilliant." Day 3 Customer:  "Can you add three more entries please? " Mummy, why is daddy smacking his face off the desk? "

Customer: "I'm upgrading CAD and apparently I need 16 Grand of memory." Colleague: "Bwahahahahaha" 16GB

Customer: "I've been sent an email from Russia but ESET Anti Virus has quarantined it." Engineer: "And?" Customer:  "Well I want to read it." Engineer: "But it clearly has a virus?" Customer:  "Can you read it?" Engineer: "No, it has a virus." Customer:  "Should I get them to send it again then?" Engineer: "You can but I suspect that too will be infected." Customer:  "Is there a way to stop ESET quarantining it?" Engineer: "Yes, get the sender to clean the viruses off their machine." Mankind has reached it's evolutionary peak.

Customer: "Is xyz there?" Me: "I'm afraid he's at lunch." Customer:  "Well he was logged into my machine and I cant close the box." Me:  "Oh, well as I said he's at lunch. If you're desperate, reboot the PC that will sever the link." Customer:  "Cant you close it?" Me:  "I do not have access to his machine, I don't know the password." Customer:  "I need to sort some stuff out on my machine." Me:  "Well this is why I suggested rebooting. If you can hang on xyz will be back in say an hour." Customer:  "Nobody will be here, I need to go out." Me:  "Well reboot then?" Customer:  "But I don't want to do that." Me:  "Then wait for xyz" Customer:  "But I need this stuff now." Me:  "I have no other solutions for you." /me smacks head off desk!

Customer: "We had a power cut last night and it seems like the server re-booted, there's a message on the screen to press F1 to continue, should I press it?" Me: "Lets be daring and press it." Customer:  "Oh it seems like it's working now." Me: "It's a kinda maaaaagic"

Customer: "I copy my emails on to excel so it's easier to print them off." [Don't ask] Me: "OK" Customer:  "When I get to over a hundred emails the date changes." Me: "Have you set the date in excel? I'm a bit confused, do you just copy and paste?" Customer:  "Yes" Me: "Then I don't understand how the date changes?" Customer:  "When I scroll down, after 100 emails the date changes." Me: "OK, with POP email, once you collect it from us it's deleted off our servers so we would not change the date so that tells me it's either Excel or, what do you use for your mail client?" Customer:  "Eudora" Me: "So it's either Eudora or Excel? Lets forget Excel for the minute, when you scroll down in Eudora is that when the date changes?" Customer:  "Yes" Me: So it's a Eudora problem. You need to look on the Eudora site to find out why, maybe on t...