Are you serious?

Office bod: "Ello mate, is xyz there?" Me: "I'm afraid he left the office about fifteen minutes ago." Office bod:  "Well he sent me an email for a second twin monitor. Thing is I want one the same size as Eric" Me: "And what size does Eric have?" Office bod:  "A big one." Me: "A big one? Can you be more specific, what size is it?" Office bod:  "Umm? 58 inch is it?" Me: "I have no idea, measure it diagonally from corner to corner." Office bod:  "700mil" Me: [Deep sigh] "So 28" Inch then?" Office bod:  "Yeah, suppose so." Me: "What size is the monitor you currently have?" Office bod:  "19" inch" Me: "So do you want two 28" inch or just one 19" inch as they usually are the same size?" Office bod:  "I suppose the 19" inch" Me: "So what size is the one xyz quoted?" Office bod:  ...

I do so love these people who spout "Consumer rights at you" and yet  have no clue whatsoever that they're talking out their derrière. Just had some moron rant at me that; Moron: "By law all new goods must come with 1 years warranty!" Me: "How many are you looking for?" Moron: "None! I'm just telling you you're breaking the law by giving 3 months warranty!" Me: "Lucky they are refurbished goods then?" Moron:  "What? Aye? Erm?" Clearly  he had not read the email properly or he would have noticed the range of warranties from three, six to twelve months. And the clear wording "Refurbished" on those that were, but what is even more interesting is this person is such a sad sack that they waste theirs and my time to score some sort of personal success by finding something which actually does not exist. I suspect he's a Guardian reader? :-)

Customer: "I need a Hi-Spec laptop something really stable for our business." Me: "Well we have another customer who is in your line of work, I supplied them yesterday with one for just under £2K" Customer:  "Yes, the Director was thinking about £1K" Me: "OK let me get a quote together for that and the other work you want doing." A few minutes later. Customer:  "The budget for the laptop is £600.00." And would you like me to throw in a box of crayons, some play-doh and a painting by numbers book? Hi-Spec pfffft

Customer: "This laptop you sold me is well dodgy!" Me: "What do you mean dodgy?" Customer: "There's no Windows 7 licence and when I went to register it someone has pulled the serial number off!" Me: "They're under the battery." click brrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Customer: "I think our printers broken? I've tried two brand new toner cartridges and it won't print." Engineer: "Do you want us to come out and look at it? As you know it's chargeable." Customer: "You might as well get us a new printer." Engineer: "OK." Three days later. Engineer: "Hey Pete, you know that printer for xyz? I've installed the new one. I also found out what was wrong with the old one." Me: "What was it?" Engineer: "She hadn't pulled the safety tab off the side of the toner." Me: "Bwahahahaha"

I run an opt-in mailing list and send out something like 70+ PC's and laptops. As you'd expect there's a brief run down of CPU, Memory etc. So some bright spark sent me and email asking " Can you supply the generations of the CPU's and the CLOCK speeds of all the memory on every unit please. " Fook Off I quoted (Actually I under-priced it tbh) to replace a screen on a laptop, inadvertently I was not making any money on the actual screen but at least was making money on the installation. Had an email. "Do you have a courier service? If I send it to you it will cost money and I would expect a discount on the price you quoted." Fook Off

So I'm doing yet another ZenCart site for a customer. The latest version 1.5.1 requires PHP 5.5 which meant we had to set up a dedicated LAMP server, which actually is about time. I did all the usual PITA stuff of changing permissions on folders so it installs and that [supposedly] was fine. Now the default template is pretty nasty to say the least so I had a quick punt around and found a suitable one and installed that. But wait, what's this? WARNING: An Error occurred, please refresh the page and try again. Really? What kind of error? A hint would be nice? Now your first thought is "This must be a template related error as the default one works?"  so after some searching (And time wasting I hasten to add.) I find that supposedly ZenCart does not turn on Layout Boxes by default. You have to go in there and turn them on, but wait! WARNING: An Error occurred, please refresh the page and try again. WTF now? Oh yes, clicking on Tools -- Layout boxes controller ...