Are you serious?

I went to the doctors on Tuesday, the last time I went was, ooh? Eight plus years ago? Now our doctors is one of those Health Centre jobbies, the type that has four or five practices in it. You take a seat and watch the banner display for your name. After a short while I saw "Peter C......... Room 5" I opened the door to a startled doctor seeing a patient. Me: "Oooh sorry this is room 5? Doctor: "Yes?" Me: "Oh, it said Peter Cannon room five." Doctor: "Peter Cotton" Me: "Oops." I had to go back again today for some blood tests. My appointment with the nurse was 08:50 so I arrived at a quarter to and was told to take a seat outside room 5. I waited and waited and waited and then noticed that there was also a banner display for the nurses, damn! I should have watched that? I bet the nurse is waiting in there for me? So I went and knocked the door, opened it, and there was some poor woman with her arm out her top having blo...

Yet again we're having some work done at Castle Cannon, part of which is painting the doors. Wife: "You've put the rings back on the door handles!" Me: "Yes, the paints dry." Wife:  "But they need doing again, look you can still see the old screw holes!" Me: "You're joking? How'd that happen? I'll have to sand that paint off, fill them again and then we'll have to paint again." Wife:  "Really?" Me: "Yes really. I have no idea what went on there? All I can think is the filler retracted for some reason but I've not seen that before?" Not best pleased I went back to watching some Business Report. Ten minutes later. Wife:  "I think it might have been me with the filler you know." Me: "How come?" Wife:  "I scraped them, I think I might have pulled some out." Me: "Why would you scrape them? You sand filler!" Wife:  "I'm in trouble aren...

Webmaster: "So what you're really saying is you've broken it?" Me: "Listen, it's not about Ooo did what..." Webmaster: "So I was right, you did break it?" Me: "I think we should focus on the solution to the problem..." Webmaster:  "You broke it and you want me to fix it." Me: "If by fix it you mean restore the image you have, then yes." Webmaster:  "You broke it." Me: "I'm telling my mum!"

Engineer: "Pete, the van has a puncture." Me: "Bwahahaha" Engineer:  "Where's the spare wheel?" Me: "Bwahahaha" Engineer:  "Seriously, where's the spare wheel?" Me: "Under the back, Bwahahahaha" A little while later. Engineer:  "I've found the nut in the back to release the wheel holder, only one problem, I don't have anything to undo the nut!" Me: "Bwahahahaha." Engineer:  "You're an orrible caaant!"

Me: "Can I ask, is the reason you do not wish to proceed due to costs?" Prospect: "That and the fact you asked for payment before delivery of the goods. We do not pay for goods before we get them." That's a novel idea, I must try that with Amazon.

Me: "So what sort of server are you looking for?" Prospect: "Well I have an example here, an HP.......... with Windows Server two O one two" Me: "You mean Server 2012?" Prospect: "Oh" Shoot me, shoot me now!

That moment when you dig out a maintenance contract and find it was last updated in 2000! Me: "Remind me again who is responsible for reviewing contracts?" A-another: "Well it's not my customer!" Me: "That's an interesting concept, I was under the impression customers are everyone's responsibility ?"