Are you serious?

Oh God, Oh God. Felt really bad as I stood and watched our female IT Engineer apprentice drag a box with two PC's through the building into our workshop. Apprentice: "I'm dragging it because I can't lift it." Me: "Ah, ooh, ermm? Well thing is, that's part of the job and ermm?" Apprentice: "It's OK, I don't mind." Yeah but my conscience does! :-(

So we had to have a new cooker at home. It was delivered this morning at around 7:30am and took me a couple of minutes to wire it up. Wife: "Hmm? The hob rings don't immediately glow red like the old one?" Me: "But do they come on? Wife: "Yes, just not instant like the old one." Me: "Tell you what, I'll nip outside and drag the broken one back in shall I?" #sigh

Caller: "Can I speak to xyz please?" short pause Me: "I'm afraid I'm getting no answer from his extension, can I take a message?" Caller: "It's OK, we can sort this out on-line." Me: "Sorry?" Caller: "We can sort this out over the Internet." Me: "I'm afraid you've lost me, I don't understand what you are saying?" Caller: "I can send him an email." FFS!

So I was running through a list of options for a mixture of eight laptops a very good customer of mine wanted. Me: "So I've got this one but I think the price might be too tasty for for you. It's a 15.6" screen like you want, i7, 1TB drive............I want £950.00 for it." Deathly silence.............................a full minute later Me: "Are you there?" Customer: "I was just picking myself off the floor, and at that price it's a long way to fall!" Me: Customer: "BWAHAHAHAHAHA" I love the rapport I have with my customers.

For those of you who don't know, Monique is a school teacher for reception. Lady Monique's class Monique: "Now class, what did Mary ride on when she went to Bethlehem?" 4yrOld1: "On an elephant miss?" Monique:  "No, try again." 4yrOld2: "On a giraffe miss?" Monique:  "No, anyone else?" 4yrOld3:  "On a lion miss?" Monique:  "No, think about riding." 4yrOld4:  "On a monster miss?" I love my daughters job.

I was looking for a bag for my Lenovo X201 12.1 subnotebook and visited a site offering a right bargain! A messenger bag reduced from £49.99 to £4.99! Like most sites you have to create an account to purchase so I started the process and noticed you could pay via PayPal. When I clicked on that service the price jumped to £49.99 which immediately rang alarm bells in my head, why would it be £4.99 with a debit or Credit card and yet £49.99 with PayPal? I decided not to continue the process and now they're emailing me which is interesting seeing as (I believe) I did not complete the signup process or agree to receive emails? I find their " We respect your right to privacy" and yet receiving emails  confirms my opinion that something's iffy here. Dear Peter Thanks for shopping at ######### We noticed that you put some items in your shopping basket during your last visit to our site but you left without completing your order. If you had a prob...

Colleague: "I've noticed you always start your requests on a negative? Why are you not positive? try staring with 'I know you'll have this, or You'll be able to do this." Me: Sadly fifteen years of experience has taught me that I should expect a negative answer." Colleague: "Well you'll be pleased to know that on this occasion your initial assessment was correct and I cannot get you out of the doggy doo doo." Me: "Bwahahahaha"