Are you serious?

So in the spirit of Christmas I agreed to go bargain shopping with the wife today this as most men know is a true demonstration of love for their partners being dragged to every possible outlet in the town then standing like a lemon by the changing rooms of 'Next' trying not to appear like an out and out pervert, why do they insist of sticking the underwear next to the changing rooms? If you're not looking at a rack of 38DD bras and the string of cotton width gusseted knickers then you have to contend with some young girl walking out to show her friend that really short skirt she is thinking of buying and looking at you as if your name should be on the sex offenders register! Anyway having sated my wife's desire to buy everything in sight for the minute we headed to the latest edition to Walsall's eateries Frankie and Benny's Now one of my daughters had in fact been there a couple of weeks before and had said "The service is appalling" but my wife ...

Customer: "Hi Pete can you tell me what domains we own particularly acertaindomain.co.uk?" Me: "OK just bear with me a second, hm acertaindoman and all its extensions are available?" Customer: "Oh I didn't want to know about acertaindomain I wanted to know what we owned" Me: "I'm sorry I'm confused, you asked me about acertaindoman that's why I looked it up yet you're now saying you're not interested in it?" Customer: "Well the thing is someone has said someone wants to buy it" Me: "Oh hang on you've had an email or a phone call saying someone wants to buy it but it would be a jolly good idea if you bought it instead?" Customer: "Yes and I'm not sure what we should do" Me: "Buy it from me I can do it right now if you like?" Customer: "Oh is it a scam then?" Me: "Not really its a sales ploy they hope you'll get the gitters and buy it" Customer...

A couple of my colleagues went on a sales visit yesterday the customer is starting a new business and wants a Server, some workstations, networking etc, the usual stuff so one of our guys habitually does what I call 'The Chinese menu' type of selling. No matter if its and email, quote or sales pitch he just cant help himself and reels off every conceivable service and product we offer now you and I both know the reason why? Its called "Desperation" its a desperation to sell something anything! Problem is your Prospect (Customer) will see that too. Anyway having spent something like 30 minutes bombarding the poor guy with everything from a keyboard and mouse to a data farm they settle down to actually talking about what the prospect wants when Chinese menu man says; Menu Man: "So you will be looking for a secretary then will you?" Prospect: "Why? Do you do those as well!"

Lloyds Bank Delhi: "Can I speak to Mr ..... please my name is Pardeep from Lloyds TSB" Me: "I'm afraid he is out on site I'm not expecting him back in the office till 4pm" Lloyds Bank Dehli: "Oh, I do need to speak with him what time shall I call back?" Me: "Call me adventurous how about 4pm?" Lloyds Bank Dehli: "OK I will call at that time then" <cry>

Today's journey into work consisted of a stupid woman with what looked like half of Bloxwich's under 12's in her people carrier smacking into the back of my car while I was waiting at the lights and letting cars out. Driver: "I skidded" No you didn't your pack of gibbering baboons distracted you and you ran into me! The road is clear there is no ice or snow at all! I let it slide and as there was no damage and carried on then blow me on the A5/A34 roundabout at Cannock an 87 year old guy drives across the front of me like he is in a getaway van or something then does that famous "If I keep looking ahead I can pretend I don't see him shaking his fist at me". Thank god its Friday.

Customer: "Hi I'm looking at the Dell GX260 for £155 on the list you emailed me" Me: "OK how many are you looking for?" Customer: "Just the one I want to use it for graphics design but I must have it tomorrow" Me: "I'll need to phone the supplier to see if its available and if he can ship direct so you get it tomorrow" Customer: "OK" A short while later Me: "Hi I'm afraid the GX260's have gone I can do an HP 7700 same spec same price or he has a lovely HP Quad core with 12 months on-site warranty for £385" Customer: "That sounds nice" Me: "You'll need to order before 3pm if you want it next day" Customer: "Oh I'll order before then I need to make an order a.s.a.p. let me go and have a look" I'm still waiting.

Seeing as I had an extra 50p this week I decided to treat the family to a slap up Sunday roast at a local eatery. We usually frequent 'The Broadway' however this is currently undergoing a feverish refurbishment in the hope they can reopen for the Christmas rush. This left us with little choice the wife suggested 'The Nickelodeon' which while being under the same banner as the Broadway is a pretty poor 52nd in my opinion and that opinion was about to be confirmed. The Nickelodeon looks really nice from the outside and is located on the canal which is very pleasant in the summer the inside is open plan Ive never been a fan of large open plan pubs when it comes to eating it sort of reminds me of dinner halls or factory canteens, anyway the family sat down and I went to the bar with my table number ready to place my order. A nice enough girl with either a broken or at least badly sprained arm attempted to serve us. Me: "Can I have four coffees please" Bar girl: ...