Are you serious?

Me: "Hmm? There's two of them, tell you what I'll do you a fixed price £150.00 Customer: "Is that £150.00 each!" Me: "Can be if you like?" :-D

I might walk funny but I ain't got crystal balls. Customer: "Hi Pete, I need three bits of software." Me: "OK, what are you looking for?" Customer:  "One of them is Photoshop." Me: "And the other two?" Customer:  "Ooh I forget now?" Me: "Maybe you should ring me back when you remember?" Customer:  "Oh? OK." #facepalm

This afternoon is definitely warming up for Halloween! 1: Guess who? Customer: "I had a notification from SAGE for an upgrade but they also said some software patch had to be put on. Can you tell me if it's been done?" Me: "By whom? Us or Sage" Customer:  "I don't know I've been off for two days." What? 2: I can't open it. Customer:  "I'm trying to do a scan and it says cannot open scanner." Me: "But you only had a manufacturer engineer out yesterday and they was working fine?" Customer:  "I know." Me: "Silly question, the scanner is on I take it?" Customer:  "Oops" I give up. 3: Ghost in the machine. Customer:  "Is Dave there?" Me: "No, he was with you?" Customer:  "Oh, they left a while ago. I need to know if they sent an email while they was here. XYZ says I sent an email cancelling some payments but I wasn't in at 1pm?" Me: ...

Me: "Your misses is fecking gorgeous, feck knows what she sees in you?" Engineer: "I know, especially when I have such a small penis?" ROTFLMAO

So I've just taken a couple of days holiday from work to try and de-stress myself a bit. My daughter needs a new headlamp for her car and given my job is management I rang the garage on Monday, my last day off, and asked them if they could do the work on the Tuesday, the following day. "Sure, no problem." Now boys and girls there's a reason I rang on the Monday, can you guess? Came to work in my daughters car and my garage says the supplier hasn't got a headlight so the work cannot be done until Wednesday! #organisation

Customer: "Will they be installing the anti-virus?" Me: "No?" Customer:  "Why not?" Me: "You didn't order it, I sent you a quote." Customer:  "Oh, was I meant to choose one then?" #facepalm

Customer: "Hi Pete" Me: "Hi Bill, I was just talking about you." Customer:  "In a nice way?" Me: "Hmm?" Customer:  "Oh, what have I done now?" Me: "I heard what you did, you wanna look on the Internet after getting me to spend my valuable time getting you the specs aye?" [Sounds of uproarious laughter] Customer:  "Oh well, you've gotta play the game." Me: "Not with me my son, I'm an Essex boy!" [More laughter] Customer:  "Don't I know it!" Me: "So here's the deal. When you buy it off the Internet rather than you thinking you're awesome coz you saved a few quid, when it goes wrong I'm gonna come round your place, sit outside your window with me ipod on laughing and pointing at your broken kit" [More laughter] Me: "How can I help you?" Customer:  "Well, one of our PC's is playing up and............." Me: "I'...