At work, a bit slow and cold "Turn the heating up!"

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I thought the backup fairies did it

Customer: "Hi Pete can you tell me, are you doing our backups?" Me: "In what sense?" Customer: "Do you do them do you back our server up?" Me: "I suspect not but surly Simon in Yorkshire can answer that?" Customer: "He says he backs up his but not ours." Me: "Before they bought you out, when was that? Two years ago? Did you used to put tapes in?" Customer: "Yes but we stopped when they bought us." Me: "Why?" Customer: "We just assumed they'd sort it out, I have no idea where that tapes are by the way" Me: "So you've not had a backup for two years then?" Customer: "Suppose not." Oh dear looks like you'll need a new backup solution how about a snapshot automated with a cron job?
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Pass the parcel

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Me: "There is a fault call at xxxx they cant get on the O: drive and xxxx cant send emails". Engineer: "xxx was dealing with that he should be back soon". Me: "No he won't I have already given him three additional jobs so I doubt he will be back till late so you will have to deal with it" Engineer: "Their Broad Band is down". Me: "That'll do it, have we rung them?" Engineer: "No not yet". Me: "Well lets ring them then" Engineer: "Oh Their Broad Band isn't down its the server thats down". Me: "That's why they cant get on the O: drive then, here's a thought ring them and get them to reboot!" So initially it was a case of "How the hell can I get out of doing this?" with this in mind a slap dash approach was instigated.
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I am so attached

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Customer: "I can't open an attachment on an email" Me: "I thought you had winzip installed?" Customer: "I do but the icon in the attachment won't open" Me: "Hang on you can open the attached zip file then?" Customer: "Yes but the word icon inside is not opening" Me: "Can you right click it please, what's it say in the property's?" Customer: "shortcut to O:/Customers/quotes/blahblah" Me: "They've sent you the shortcut not the file ask them to send the document" So we have two Muppets, the one who sent the shortcut and the recipient who doesn't know what a shortcut is.
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