The great god of gloom is riding his charger along the corridors of our offices today

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I am so attached

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Customer: "I can't open an attachment on an email" Me: "I thought you had winzip installed?" Customer: "I do but the icon in the attachment won't open" Me: "Hang on you can open the attached zip file then?" Customer: "Yes but the word icon inside is not opening" Me: "Can you right click it please, what's it say in the property's?" Customer: "shortcut to O:/Customers/quotes/blahblah" Me: "They've sent you the shortcut not the file ask them to send the document" So we have two Muppets, the one who sent the shortcut and the recipient who doesn't know what a shortcut is.
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My wit is bigger than yours

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Why do people waste time and effort either sending a tirade of abuse to an email they have no interest in or, which is even worse, put extra effort into composing what they believe to be a witty message? Email from Prospect: "Your web proxy blocking box is an interesting idea however I've been sacked for following you on Twitter" Email from Me: "That's a real shame you should sign up with LinkedIN http://www.linkedin.com you could get a much better job with a better employer who appreciates a member of staff that uses every communication tool to promote their business for them. :-) Enjoy" Only one problem, I'm now just as bad as the people I'm moaning about. :-(
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Don't worry I'm good for it.

Prospect: "Hi Pete, I was given your details buy your customer xxyz, I was hoping you can do something similar to this?" The link was to a well known electrical outlet in the UK offering a 24" screen and an incredible speck'd machine for the ridiculous sum of £499 Me: "I'm afraid there is no way I can match the prices of a multi-million pound organisation." It then transpired that the machine was 'Home edition' which was no good for his domain set-up so I offered to quote him an alternative but forewarned him it was not going to be an "El Cheapo" price. I quoted him a really nice open boxed Dell with a 21" monitor and surprisingly only a couple of hundred more that the sale item he asked me about. Prospect:  "Does the monitor have speakers?" Me: "Sadly not but I can do some reasonable ones for £6.00" Prospect:  "How about I don't have the keyboard and mouse and you give me the speakers?...
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