The great god of gloom is riding his charger along the corridors of our offices today

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What is in a name.

Customer: "The screen is not working." Me: "Screen? What screen?" Customer: "This screen its not working." Me: "Do you mean your monitor?" Customer: "Yes I tried it on another computer and its still not working" Me: "It's probably dead then you may need to replace it." Customer: "Cant you send someone out to fix it I'm busy toady." Me: "Nobody really fixes monitors these days let me look at your details and I'll come back to you." Customer: "What am I going to do in the meantime?" Make a cup of tea? No sugar for me thanks.
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Don't worry I'm good for it.

Prospect: "Hi Pete, I was given your details buy your customer xxyz, I was hoping you can do something similar to this?" The link was to a well known electrical outlet in the UK offering a 24" screen and an incredible speck'd machine for the ridiculous sum of £499 Me: "I'm afraid there is no way I can match the prices of a multi-million pound organisation." It then transpired that the machine was 'Home edition' which was no good for his domain set-up so I offered to quote him an alternative but forewarned him it was not going to be an "El Cheapo" price. I quoted him a really nice open boxed Dell with a 21" monitor and surprisingly only a couple of hundred more that the sale item he asked me about. Prospect:  "Does the monitor have speakers?" Me: "Sadly not but I can do some reasonable ones for £6.00" Prospect:  "How about I don't have the keyboard and mouse and you give me the speakers?...
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I am so attached

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Customer: "I can't open an attachment on an email" Me: "I thought you had winzip installed?" Customer: "I do but the icon in the attachment won't open" Me: "Hang on you can open the attached zip file then?" Customer: "Yes but the word icon inside is not opening" Me: "Can you right click it please, what's it say in the property's?" Customer: "shortcut to O:/Customers/quotes/blahblah" Me: "They've sent you the shortcut not the file ask them to send the document" So we have two Muppets, the one who sent the shortcut and the recipient who doesn't know what a shortcut is.
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