Thursday, 22 January 2015


Prospect: "Hi, you've given us several quotes and we will possibly be going with you in the future but we have a problem in that we are being attacked and someone is trying to hack our system."
Me: "Oooookay"
Prospect: "I need some help, we can pay by the way. The thing is our anti-virus picked up the port scan and our firewall is blocking it but it's a crappy firewall I need to speak with someone now."
Me: "Um? Antivirus does not detect port scans? However, lets get hold of xyz to speak with you and we'll worry about payments in a bit"
Prospect: "Can I just say I'm not paying anything unless you can demonstrate the advice will work."

  1. So you're not a customer.
  2. You're not going to move forward on the quotes we've given you for a fair bit.
  3. You want free help/advice.

Tuesday, 13 January 2015

There is a point to homework.

Just had a call from an SEO company, you know the type "Ooh we can optimise your site and get you way up in the rankings"

SEO: "Hi, can I speak with xyz?"
Me: "You can speak with me, how can I help you."
SEO: "It's about your website"
Me: "What about our website."
SEO: "We are a website optimisation company and we can improve your rankings on Google...."
Me: "Can I stop you there, have you looked at our website?"


Me: "If you had you would have seen we are an IT solutions provider, also we are an independent ISP."
SEO: "Oh, so you'd do that yourselves then?"

Well Duh!

Thursday, 8 January 2015

Dunno mate.

And this is why City Link has gone bust! Just had one of their competitors drop off two parcels, one of the boxes was damaged with a hole in it.

Me: "Oh, what's happened here?"
Driver: [Chewing gum] "Dunno mate, it was like that on the van."