Wednesday, 7 December 2016

How rude!

Caller: [Abruptly] "Can I speak to Dave please!"

Me: "Who's calling?"

Caller: "AXY & Co"

Me: "OK, that's the company, I was actually after your name."

Caller: "Tsk, it's Debbie!"

Me: "Ah, thank you. I'll just see if he's available."

Some people really are pig ignorant.

Monday, 14 November 2016

Ask a question

Colleague: "I've had an inquiry for maintenance of some PC's but one of them is running XP which in turn is operating a laser cutter."

Me: "We wouldn't support the XP OS but we'll support the hardware."

Colleague: "Well I said we wouldn't support XP but he didn't seem worried about the price. He did want to know how we could support him if he had a problem."

Me: "Such as? What sort of problem? Is he talking about the XP or the hardware?"

Colleague: "Well he said he'd had two other company's out but they couldn't support him."

Me: "More like they wouldn't. So as I said, what is this 'problem' that he's talking about?"

Five minutes of waffle later.

Colleague: "I don't know."

Me: "Thing is you do this a lot. Let me put it into context for you. If you went to  the doctor and said "I'm ill" the doctor is hardly likely to just give you a load of drugs are they? They're definitely going to ask you what's wrong with you or at the very least ask you to give them some clues as to what might be wrong."

Colleague: "I Suppose so."

Me: "No suppose about it, so how can I answer your question when you spoke with the guy and yet you didn't ask the question? Send him the maintenance brochure, make sure you restate in the email we do not support XP and follow it up in a few days."

Thursday, 10 November 2016


One of my customers is a religious organisation, I think they're Pentecostal gospel or something like that. I do like to play them up a bit when I speak to them, given they've known me for coming up to 20 years I can get away with it.

Me: "Abele-eeeeeeeee, how are you today?"

Abele: "Very good Peter, how are you?"

Me: "Not too bad although I was wondering if you could have a word with the big man upstairs and get me a Porsche 911?"

Abele: [Laughing] "You could do that yourself Peter but he will only give you that which will improve your life. If it will harm you in the future then he will not give it to you."

Me: "What? He won't let me have what will harm me? If that's the case how come he let me marry the misses!"

Abele: [Roaring Laughing] "Oh Peter, you really are a terrible man."

Me: "I know, so about this Porsche."