Monday, 21 July 2014

Buy from you?

Customer: "Hi, we are a customer of yours, we bought our PC's from you and have broadband and email from you."
Me: "OK"
Customer: "I've been on the Dell and HP website and I need a square monitor not one of those widescreen ones. Can you tell me where I can buy one from?"
[Are you for fooking real mate?]
Me: "From me."
Customer: "Oh? Umm? OK. Can you tell me what you can get?"
Me: "What size do you want?
Customer: "Let me measure this one, 19" inches. How about a 21" inch one."
Me: "I'll get a price and come back to you."
Customer: "Well price will be important."

I sometimes wonder if people know what comes out of their mouth or more importantly do they care what comes out of their mouth? Not only did he want me to tell him where to buy from, obviously not giving me the sale but then has no shame in trying the old "You'd best sharpen your pencil" routine, for one monitor I hasten to add!

Thursday, 17 July 2014

I've been hacked!

Customer: "We've been hacked! We had an email from a client telling us to pay someone which we did and now our client says they never sent the email."
Engineer: "You've not been hacked. You've followed an instruction."

Oops.

Friday, 11 July 2014

Going halves.

The wife has just called.

Wife: "Virgin Media are here and they want to splice off our cable for next door."
Me: "Tell them no!"
Wife: "You tell them!"
Virgin Media: "It's not a problem it would only be for two weeks."
Me: "It is a problem! You don't just turn up at my house and say I'm gonna splice off your cable, I get a bad enough signal as it is, catch up is hit and miss if you can watch it or not and as for navigating the box....!"
Virgin Media: "Well I'll tell next door you said no then."
Me: "I beg your pardon? Don't try and make out it's my fault! Why can't you just replace his cable?"
Virgin Media: "It's a two man job."
Me: "So let me get this right, it takes one man to splice off my cable yet two men to re-run his cable?"
Virgin Media: "It's OK"

Few second later.

Wife: "He's doing it now."
Me: "Doing what?"
Wife: "Running next doors cable. He doesn't look very happy?"
Me: "Fook him cheeky sod."