Wednesday, 24 August 2016

There's always someone better.

So I've been flogging my guts out every day walking and swimming. After a lunchtime walk I had a conversation with our receptionist who has been with us about eight months now.

Samantha: "All this walking, maybe you should start walking to work?"

Me: "Funny you should say that, It's about seven miles to my house by car but there's a public footpath that's about four mile. I was thinking of maybe getting a bike."

Samantha: "Is that along the canal?"

Me: "Well the disused one, yes. But it looks muddy in places?"

Samantha: "I used to run to Walsall along that."

Me: "Run to Walsall? From Cheslyn Hay?"

Samantha: "Yes"

Me: "How long did that take?"

Samantha: "Three hours."

Me: "Get lost run to Walsall."

Samantha: "Pete, I used to do long distance running. I used to run for the county"

Me: "Get lost and don't speak to me, I'm closing me door"

Samantha: "Ahahahaha"

Monday, 22 August 2016


The showers of my local Leisure Centre

Woman: "Well that's my 60 lengths done in 30 minutes."

Me: "Actually I'm really happy with my 50 lengths in 50 minutes."

At that point the 187 year old woman shuffled out the shower.

Wednesday, 17 August 2016

Are you listening to me?

Idiot: "Hello, this is <unintelligible> from HP. Can you tell me the person responsible for purchasing toner cartridges in your organisation?"

Me: "We don't purchase them."

OK, that's not strictly true. We do purchase them, now and again, from suppliers but not from distribution.

Idiot: "OK, can you tell me who's in charge of purchasing them then please?"

Me: "Aye? How can there be anyone in charge of purchasing them if, as I've already said, we don't purchase them?"

Click, Brrrrrrrrrrrr

Me: "Hello?"