Friday, 26 June 2015

Personal Service.

As some of you may know I had the two big toe toenails removed last week.

Me: "Come and rub my feet will you?"
Engineer: "Fook off will I rub your manky feet!"
Me: "See, this is exactly the attitude I was talking about. Uncooperative and bolshy."

Thursday, 25 June 2015

Any porn?

Customer: "Yes we'd like you to search his computer, we have reports he's looking at porn all day."
Engineer: "Umm? These 583 bookmarks and 1.5GB of images might answer that question."

Priceless.

Wednesday, 24 June 2015

Flower Power.

The misses has bought some artificial flowers, they were sat on the kitchen windowsill last night when I came home. They're Ok, mind you what would I know about flowers anyway? I wasn't convinced they looked right where they were but after many years I have learnt to keep quiet on such matters.

Wife: "Bubb, do these look OK on the telephone table?"
Me: "TBH I wasn't convinced they looked right on the windowsill anyway."
Wife: "So they're alright there then?"
Me: "Thing is, I liked the glass vase one that was on the telephone table."
Wife: "So you don't like it there?"
Me: "Tell you what leave it a day or so and see how we feel."
Wife: "I'll put it back in the kitchen."
Me: "OK if you like."
Wife: "You're so annoying! You moan you never get to choose stuff in the house and when I ask you about something you can't make your mind up!"
Me: "Ermm? I did say leave it a day or so?"
Wife: "I'm putting them back in the kitchen."

Keep quiet on such matters. :-D