Wednesday, 25 November 2015


Colleague: "I've noticed you always start your requests on a negative? Why are you not positive? try staring with 'I know you'll have this, or You'll be able to do this."
Me: Sadly fifteen years of experience has taught me that I should expect a negative answer."
Colleague: "Well you'll be pleased to know that on this occasion your initial assessment was correct and I cannot get you out of the doggy doo doo."
Me: "Bwahahahaha"

Friday, 20 November 2015

You can't afford us.

As I get older and hopefully wiser I seem to get more and more depressed by people being in positions that clearly they either have no flair for or ultimately no idea at all what is required of them in their given role.  A cardinal sin in any business is to not have faith in your products or services, we shouldn't be na├»ve about it though, sometimes the standard or quality could be better but ultimately you need to focus on the positives when trying to promote yourself and what your company has to offer.
A far more outrageous sin is elitism! The idea that only a certain level of potential customers can afford to buy from you. While there is nothing wrong in targeting a specific audience focusing solely on one demographic is where your competition hoover's up all all the overlooked opportunities.

A-CustomersApprentice: "See the thing is I don't see the point of Facebook or Twitter for our company, LinkedIN possibly but most of these others are just personal interaction sites. The thing is most of our stuff starts at £100K and....."

Me: "Can I just stop you there! Let me refute that with some questions: Do you think that CEO's, Directors or Head's of Purchasing do not use Facebook or Twitter possibly in their personal as well as their professional lives? What about their partners? Or maybe employees of their company's? 'Word of Mouth' is probably the largest generator of business in the world, so with that in mind what if the CEO's brother or sister saw something from your company and told his brother [the CEO] about it? There's an opportunity you would not have had if you turned your back on those services purely from a, forgive me, snobbish stand point."

A-CustomersApprentice: "I'd not really thought about it that way, I see your point."

Clearly you'd not thought about it at all!

Tuesday, 3 November 2015

Who gets to choose

So I took some leave this week and I'm (under orders) off to Birmingham tomorrow to visit the new shopping centre with Lady Cannon.

Wife: "Tell you what bubb, I'll read out the list of all the places to eat in the food hall and you can choose where we eat."
Me: "OK what about sushi? That's raw fish."
Wife: "Eww! I'm not eating that!"
Me: "OK what about the noodle bar?"
Wife: "Eww! I'm not eating that!"
Me: "Umm? What part of I can choose am I not understanding here?"