Are you serious?

Customer: "Hi there I'm after a little bit of advice about our server" Me: "OK" Customer: "They'll be switching the power off on Sunday should we shut the Server down?" Me: "Seems like a good idea to me" Customer: "Do I just press this button in then?" Me: "No you need to shut it down properly, go to start then shutdown you'll have to fill in the reason why so there is a record in the log" Customer: "Do you know our password?" Me: "No I'm afraid not" After asking internally. Me: "Its date of births." Customer: "Hm what's mine? I should know it as its my birthday today" Me: "Erm 21 01 something?" Customer: "Oh yeah thanks it says shutting down" What can I say!

After the usual sales pitch; Customer: "Yes we are looking for some support we had a nice guy used to look after us, we would drop a machine off or he'd pick it up. Work on it over night and drop it off the next day." Me: "How come he is not looking after you anymore?" Customer: "Well that's the thing we had loads of work for him he was always busy but he said he'd worked it out and for the hours he was doing it wasn't worth it so he was going back to lorry driving! After all the work we gave him as well!" Me: "I take it he was charging slightly more if it was mostly night work?" Customer: "Huh he wanted to charge us £45 I soon put a stop to that we paid him £20 an hour" Me: "What!? We charge £65 an hour and that's in the daytime! No wonder he went back to lorry driving" Customer: "Well if you want to pop in and have a look you're more than welcome." Yeah there's a plan, we'll p

Customer: "Hi Pete you know that laptop you sold me about three years ago?" Me: "Not really what was it?" Customer: "An IBM T42 thing is its running slow now and struggles to run the programs we use maybe it needs a bigger hard drive?" Me: "Maybe it needs throwing in the bin?" Customer: "Oh god no its a good laptop." Me: "I thought you said it won't run your programs?" Customer: "Yeah but I was hoping all it needed was a bigger hard drive." Me: "No, more memory or a better CPU might help but in the long run it was a refurbished laptop anyway so I suspect its 5+ years old time to replace it I think." Customer: "Erm can I drop it off and you have a look at it?" Me: "Of course" Oh deary me its too old!

Customer: "The screen is not working." Me: "Screen? What screen?" Customer: "This screen its not working." Me: "Do you mean your monitor?" Customer: "Yes I tried it on another computer and its still not working" Me: "It's probably dead then you may need to replace it." Customer: "Cant you send someone out to fix it I'm busy toady." Me: "Nobody really fixes monitors these days let me look at your details and I'll come back to you." Customer: "What am I going to do in the meantime?" Make a cup of tea? No sugar for me thanks.

I had a call from the 387 year mother of one of our customers Customer: "I want to copy the emails off my ipad for my son John" Me: "When you say copy do you mean copy them to his machine?" Customer: "No I want it so he can read them on paper" Me: "Ah you mean you want to print them off for him" Customer: "Yes" Me: "Do you have a wireless printer?" Customer: "No" Me: "Do you have a printer for the ipad?" Customer: "No" Me: "Do you know if the ipad can put things on your computer?" Customer: "No" I went through the various options Buy an apple printer for the ipad. Zip up the emails then attach them to another email and email them to someone who could print them off. Customer: "I don't want to buy anything." Me: "Um how about asking John to take it into work and he can print them off there?" Customer: "Yes I think I'll speak to John

Customer: "Are you taking the piss out the way I talk?" Me: "Pardon?" Customer: "The way you said 'up' are you taking the piss?" Me: "Um sorry maybe it's my accent? I only said I will get someone to pick it up" Customer: "There you are you did it again!" Me: "Did what?" Customer: "Said 'up' the way I say it" Me: "Um I'm originally from London I'm not from the West Midlands perhaps its my accent?" Customer: "Oh I thought you was from round here, OK then?" I'm still very confused.