Showing posts from October, 2012

I prefer hello

This is why I'm crushed.

Customer: "Pete is it possible to block all emails that start with Hi in the body of the mail for one user?"
Me: "What? Are you serious? You cant really want that?"
Customer: "That's the instruction I've been given."
Me: "But all you'll do is in a month or so's time is come on the phone screaming a particular mail has not arrived."
Customer: "Is it something you need to do or do I need to do it on my exchange box?"
Me: "You need to do it on yours, sorry, bye."

Click brrrrrrrr

Scroll down!

This is why I'm crushed.

We send out email newsletters with 'offers' on, this is an opt-in list before you start!
Obviously it's done on a template, at the bottom in the footer there's the usual garb about who we are, unsubscribing and how you pay. Within the how you pay section it tells you the methods and "All our prices exclude VAT unless otherwise stated."

Prospect: "Hi, can you tell me, does that £158.00 include VAT?"


Calm down, calm down


Customer: "John sent me a new PC as mine was playing up, but I cant use the green and purple cables they don't fit!"
Me: "Do you mean the keyboard and mouse cables?"
Customer: "Yes"
Me: "On the back of the PC is there a green and purple socket?"
Customer: "I don't know! I cant work!"
Me: "You will have to help me so I can help you, if you cant tell me I cant help can I?"
Customer: "No there is no purple socket!"
Me: "Ok so it's a USB only machine, you'll need a USB keyboard and mouse."

Click brrrrrrrrr

And thank you too.

It's always root.


MS Fanboy1: "What's the username for Virtual Machine Server?"
MS Fanboy2: "It's Root, it's always Root with Linux."

No normal user then?

Dusty Bin


I had already put the bins out at home this morning but found I had yet one more bag of rubbish, I nipped out the front to place it in our bin in the hope the refuse collectors had not arrived yet however our bins was just about to be uploaded.

Me: "Ooh I was hoping to get this in before you collected."
Bin Man: "I'll take it this time but it's a one off right?"


What's in it for me?


Customer: "I've done a silly thing and given a guy and email address as my full name but my address has my initial and surname. Can you set up another account so I can get this email?"
Me: "You won't get it, it will either be rejected or will go to the catch all account."
Customer: "Ah, he won't send it for at least an hour, he's in America and I don't really want the expense of calling him again."

Let me get this straight, you want another address adding as an alias to your current email address and you want this doing for free and all within the hour as well?

Email Offer


Prospect: "Hi you sent us an email with some HP 7700's on it, I sent an email asking if this was an order but you sent a confusing reply?"
Me: "The units are for sale, I asked you how many you wanted?"
Prospect: "Well they looked the same sort of prices we charge."
Me: "Do you sell computers then?"
Prospect: "No."

I'm as confused as you are dear reader.

Put it away!

Shit you see.

So I've just got back from our local discount shop, the sort of place that does 20 light bulbs for £1.20 or 400 tubes of superglue for 79p These places always attract the 'characters' of society.

As I walked to the entrance I notice an elderly couple in their 70's getting out of their car, as the husband (I presume?) got out and turned round his trousers promptly fell down!

I am desperately trying not to ask myself the question; "Why was he in the car with his belt, trousers and flies undone?"

I've heard it all before.


Minion: "I cant follow up some of these calls, they're asking me when the email was sent and I don't know all I can say is some time last week."
Me: "Erm, I don't see how that stops you talking to them? It's dead easy you know, just resend them it while they're on the phone. Confirm they have it and arrange to ring next week."
Minion: "Mutter, mutter, hurrumph"

I've heard it all before.