Are you serious?

Texted my plasterer last night to see if either he was willing to climb up on the roof of Castle Cannon or if he knew anyone who was interested in risking their life walking the battlements to replace the tiles. He texted back "Will pop round in the morning." Saturday 08.40 Me : "Hi Paul, thanks for coming round. You're not climbing up there are you?" Paul : "Na mate, I just came round to have a look and wet myself laughing." Even the plasterer disrespects me. :-( He's going to get his 'roofer' cousin on the case.

A sleepy Morrisons in a leafy shire of merry old England. Me : "Hi, can I have two of those sausages with chips please?" Assistant : "Is that the three sausage deal?" Me : "Oh god no, I couldn't do three sausages!" Assistant : "Well there's the small deal which is one sausage?" Me : "Here's a cunning plan, I'll have the single sausage deal and buy another sausage separately." Assistant : "I suppose you could do that." Me : "Yes, I suppose I could."

And the winner of the most ridiculous support request goes to: "Our site is under attack from IP xxx.xxx.xxx.xxx SAMSUNG-ANDROID is this anything to do with the server issue you had last week?" #facepalm

Signed up for a trial of a product promoted by Google. We already have one of the family of services on offer so an integrated addition might be beneficial. Within twenty minutes of the account being created a sales rep was on the phone! Rep : "How many people will be using the product?" Rep : "Will you just be using it internally or in conjunction with your customers?" Rep : "When will you be purchasing the product?" Now I pride myself on being a pretty diligent salesperson but at least let me take the wrapper off and have few licks before pouncing.