Showing posts from February, 2015


Customer: "Pete, why has the hard drive failed?"
Me: "I have no idea, I know lets ask Cortana"

Keywords: 'Plane' and 'Head' :-(

Who's the boss?

It's the wife's birthday next month.

Wife: "Yes your dad's off that week."
Daughter: "But you don't want to be doing DIY on your birthday?"
Wife: "I'm not but you're dad is!"


Do you know what you're doing?

B&Q's ( 8:40am

Me: "Can you move out the way love so I can scan these items."
Wife: "I need to watch you with these you can never seem to work them!"
Me: o_O

Three items in.

Me: "Bubb what are you doing? Don't touch anything, you can't pick anything up till I've finished!"
Wife: "Don't talk rubbish."

Beep Beep Beep

Me: "I told you not to touch it."

A minute or so later the misses fed the machine with £20 notes.

Me: "Bubb where you going?"
Wife: "Tsk I have my change."
Me: "Wait for your notes out the bottom."

Out popped a £5 note, seems I do know how to work them? :-D


This just in from one of my suppliers

Supplier: "You're not gonna believe this Pete, had one of my customers ring me up and he was going mental down the phone because the 8300 I sold him had PS2 ports!"
Me: "But it has USB ports on the back doesn't it?"
Supplier: "Yeah  four of them."
Me: "So what's the problem?"
Supplier: "He says he doesn't need PS2 and that I've miss-sold to him."

I hate him already and I don't even know who the so called customer is.

These two?

Scene 1
A well known store full of freezers.

Customer: "How much are the grapes?"
Checkout: "They're two for £3 or £1.87 each"
Customer: "But I have two items?"
Checkout: "The grapes are two for £3"
Customer: "Yes, that's right, two for three pounds."
Me: [With only an hour for lunch] The grapes are three pound if you buy two punnet's of them, it's not £3 for any old two items in the store!"
Customer: "Oh"

How do I find these people? Is it just me?

Time is irrelevant.

Caller: "Hi, can I speak with xyz please."
Me: I'm afraid they work till 3pm"
Caller: "Oh, so you can't put me through?"
Me: "They work till 3pm and it is now 3:27pm sooo"
Caller: "Oh, I thought they worked from home, I was hoping you could put me through."
Me: "They do work from home, they finish at 3pm"

Sheesh how hard is that?