Showing posts from 2009

I can get it cheaper

Most sales people during their career will come across Customers or Prospects that will use you for your knowledge. They know you're pretty good at what you do but that possibly you are a little bit more expensive.

They will ring and ask for a quotation but with no details, generally because they themselves don't know the specifications, for example; "Can you give me a quote for a Laptop?". Now like the good little trusting person you are you will spend the next 10-20 minutes tracking down a machine, maybe make a couple of calls for prices and availability and type out the details all at the expense of your employer.

Having done a good job you will expect to 'get the order' but Oh no Mr Customer has just used you! They are now cutting-and-pasting your hard work into an email and asking all your competitors to quote! Now I suppose most people would say "And whats wrong with that?" apart from the fact that it tends to make you distrust Customers when t…

Too Big

Customer: Hi I'm trying to send a database as an attachment to an email but it won't go.
Me: How big is it?
Customer: 32MB is that too big?
Me: What do you think

Free Support

Set the scene:
We have a customer who we used to provide hardware and software plus a maintenance contract as well. The owner decided that another company who we know pretty well could give them a better service so switched everything to them apart from the provision of BroadBand which we still do.

Customer: Hi my daughter cant get on the Internet at home
Me: Can it go on the Internet?
Customer: Yeah she needs an IP address
Me: She will need to connect to the router
Customer: Well my son cant connect either with his laptop
Me: Are you putting the passphrase in?
Customer: Whats that? Mark usually does that as you know, XXXXX Ltd looks after us

Basically he does not want support from us but because he has BroadBand from us he thinks that gives him the right to have unrelated work done by us for free!

Coffee, Oops

Customer: "Hi Pete one of the guys has spilled a full cup of coffee in their Laptop"
Me: "Oh dear, that will have killed it possibly"
Customer: "Yeah I guessed as much, the screen was still running so I switched it off quick and removed the battery"
Me: "Hm you might be lucky, stick it on its side and drain the liquid leave it to dry out and try switching it on"
Customer: "Yeah done all of that apart from switching it on will try that later"

Conclusion: So why the hell are you ringing me?

Where you going?

Customer: "Hi we have a satellite office at xxxxx and they want to move our office"
Me: Whats the new address and telephone number?
Customer: "Oh I don't know but we have to move by the 7th of August and their IT guy has just gone on two weeks leave"
Me: Er well there's not a lot I can do without the details.
Customer: Oh, um, I suppose I had better try and find out then.
Me: Good guess

When I am calling you

Customer: "Hi its Lucy here from xxxxx Nora has a problem printing"
Me: So why are you calling and not Nora?
Customer: "Oh do you want to speak to Nora?"
Me: Well it might be an idea?
Customer: "Hi Nora here we bought a printer, not from you, but none of us can print and I wanted to check if there was anything you can think of before I call the people we purchased it from"
Me: No I cant think of anything better give them a call.

iphone I bought

Customer: "Hi I bought an iphone from down the road can you tell me how to configure it?"
Me: Um yeah I can send someone out but it will be at our standard rate £65 per hour"
Customer: "Oh I don't want to have to pay"
Me: I'm afraid you will have to or call the people you purchased it from.
Customer: "But you do our email"
Me: Yes but that does not cover configuring your iphone we just handle your mail in and out.
Customer:"Well where does that leave me?"
Me: Reading the manual or paying us to configure it.

Rain rain go away

One minute its pouring with rain, now its so sunny I cant see the screen!

Oi stop theif!

Bit of a flap on, customer had every bit of IT kit stolen! Even the IP cameras! dick_turpin rubs his hands together.

Ooh pimp myself

Added myself to under #linux #lugradio #linuxoutlaws "well everyone else is" ;-)

Crunchbang Ooh dark

Have been running !crunchbang for two days now. I'm impressed

I leave for 5 minutes .....

1st day back and the desk is piled high with problems :-(

Some days get to you.

Had a stressful morning looking forward to a nervous breakdown afternoon.

Clean Me

Currently in tidy up mode, cleaned office, moving image directory, deleting stuff. Spring Clean Time! :-)
Currently running Dan from linuxoutlaws down on the IRC channel. Oh how we laughed.
My list of 'Need to fix this' is growing.!n810 video support !eeepc amsn & webcam and my Dads Winblows PC :-(
Back from my meeting, I hate leaving the safety of my office
!opensuse affected by Novell layoffs
Able to send to/via gmail from Thunderbird on desktop machine
Drinking some tea and getting ready to do todays flier
Love the fix for corrupted memory on the !n810 "Format it" mind you it worked :-)
Linux Haters latest post has me laughing my head off and I'm an !opensuse fanboy. Love the green line gag.
Excited, nearly home time.
My get up and go has got up and gone, roll on 5.00pm
Today I have the magic touch, every phone call is a Server enqiury. Nice
The function key on my !n810 has stopped working, is it hardware or software? This will be a pain :-(
Nice mild morning, decent sleep, still got a job for the minute, drinking tea, what more could a man want? :-)
Ask about syncing address books get told "Yes you can export you address book then import" Duh! thats not Sync
The receptionist has taken the large box of Jelly Snakes away, I hate her ;-)
Had a long sleep after yesterdays patheticone, woke @ 7.40am now feel like I have a hang over.
At work, really tired, getting up at 2.30am is a bad idea. Mind you its amazing how many people I know was still around too.
Maybe going to #EuroPython 2009 at Alex's request.
Hows that for service, bought a wiper blade at the Renault show room and they came outside and fitted it for free taking the old one away.
At work, a bit slow and cold "Turn the heating up!"
Chilling out with friends on IRC
Been up since 1.00am (UK Time) worrying about all the negative feedback, all I said was "Its advanced for me" now I don't even want to try
Eating a 'Sneaky Snacks' almond & jam flapjack
No #cms today, actually doing the job I'm paid to do instead :-(
The song at the end of !Linuxoutlaws (Roxanne using songbird) had me laughing so much I nearly wet myself and crashed the car
Arrgh I've just sent back by mistake the replacement base unit for the broken on I have! now I'll have to pay 2 lots of delivery Arrgghh!
Frustrating morning, going on #IRC for a break
Checking mail and Gwibber accounts, no death threats yet :-)
MODx as I said I like it, thanks for all the replies, perhaps all I need is some encouragement ;-)
@evan N810 group created :-)
Hm, MODx may be a little advanced for me, its nice but do I have the time? Or has Joomla made me lazy?
Huzzah! got my N810 to recognise my external USB via the female to female adapter
God I hate the InterWeb sometimes, hundreds of entries all saying they are the 'Box Office' @ 6p a min that's a nice profit
Currently on hold for the last 10 minutes trying to book tickets for the theatre
Installed MODx here at work on our WebServer so that I play with it from anywhere at any time.
Rain! Hooray, bye bye snow
The great god of gloom is riding his charger along the corridors of our offices today
MODx is actually very nice, IMO (Which is generally wrong) it looks like a cross between Joomla and Drupal
Oops Acer One URL
Wow! Acer One (Net Book) for £95.90 ex VAT @ PC World
Just installed Drupal, still not sure I like it, seems 'over fussy' to me
Listening to Linux Cranks through Amarok coz my ipod don't play .ogg
@dantheman Just finished Ep 75 What an awesome interview I hope it changed Fab's opinion re MS? Miguel and I sing from the same song sheet
Just paid for another years Web Hosting, no beer for me then :-(
Waiting for a cup of tea to be plonked on my desk
@Ade_B Have fun
Lesson #337 Don't leave Archlinux update on the Laptop so long next time and don't start it at 9:30pm either. 728MB!
1 sec
Right getting somewhere with phpMyAdmin can now log in. Database created now add the user then install EPESI
Huzzah got my account working with Gwibber
Getting ready to re-look at some open source CRM's namely Kumula and EPESI
phpMyAdmin what have you done? No root log in, groan, Tried some examples from Google, still no log in! Aaarrrgh!
Note to self: Doing stuff for the community is great but there will always be a miserable scrote to hack you off!
I want a refund, I've measured it and we don't have the 2" inches of snow as promised.
Eating crumpets with loads of butter and Marmite washed down with a cup a tea, how English is that?
Installing Virtual Box on a server I have control of, gonna set up Nagios and make a real effort to understand it. Big Ron Heeeeelp
Today I join the ranks of those who say "I hate Windows" my machine at work needs to meet Mr Baseball bat
Not sure if the Debian install on the N810 was worth the effort still its early days I only installed it last night.
Today I need to track down someone who can touch up an image for my secret project, I draw like a 2 year old :-(
Re-connected an empty 80GB HDD on my openSUSE box and it refused to boot! Sorted now.
For some reason I have 'Storage' on the brain, SATA, IDE, NAS, Ext HDD, Store Vault and Drobo. I have ample storage, what can it mean?
Was hoping FreeNas would work with my SC101 but its not a NAS device is it! NetGear I hate you
Off to pick the car up from the garage 3rd time lucky I hope or there will be WW3
Trawling the web looking for software to put our Maintenance contracts on but keep getting Fault Call system stuff, that's a secondary need
Listened to 80% of crankygeeks I like it! boy he is cranky. Too many GoDaddy adverts tho
A corridor! OMG you are a snob, we lived in the road. Every night our dad would come home, kill us, bring us back to life and kill us again
If Crankygeeks is cranky I might add them to my podcast list, should fit in well with my supposed personality :-)
WTF is our Government playing at? Northen Rock is to pay all staf a 10% bonus! They get loads of our Tax money and carry on as before! shame
Me and the dog have just eaten a nice plate of Chilli with, wait for it, a Yorkshire pudding on top! Yum
Busy sticking 2 Zillion filters in Tbird I like order, well I am a Virgo ;-)
Time for IRC
Is it just me or is scrolling on Facebook dire? Firefox is fine anywhere else
Rotflmao Sophos is offering us resellers an extra 20% margin on new business. That'll teach em for crapping on us. Losing renewals are we?
I'm buying a another Domain Name, I have a plan if it comes to nothing then its £20.00 down the drain
Hooray! Should close my famous 10 Laptop deal sometime this week
Doing telephone support from memory is like the blind leading the blind
And so starts another fun packed week, apparently its 'my job' to empty the bin! I must dig out the marriage license and check
@sil I'll see Barbie's £20 and raise you a Spangle and a lump of blue tack, I plan to turn the house into a rehab centre for abused Ants
Currently turning my mobile into a brick by using the Nokia updater "15 Minutes left" what the hell takes 15 minutes I ask ya?
@sil I take it they've gazumped my £19.00 offer?
mmm, Steak and Guiness pie for dinner
Back from walking the dog. Pure white breads and mud don't mix :-(
TaDa! Have gwibber working on KDE, course I had to install Gnome Boo
Hm, so if I opened an account using my openID how the hell do I get gwibber to work with
Thats strange, why is my real name being displayed? Dam now the bailiffs will find me
Trying to figure out some of the errors such as '404' in gwibber which works on the Gnome/openSUSE at work but not on KDE at home :-(

Have you no shame?

Just before Christmas I had a bit of a 'set-too' with one of our customers, he had purchased a laptop and wireless mouse to cut a long story short he started playing up about paying. This is par for the course in business if they can find a way to delay payment they will everything from "Ooh we've not seen the invoice" to "Its a rainy day and we only do payment runs when there is a full moon".

Now it turns out he owes us a measly £65 for when we fixed the wireless mouse on his workstation so first off he used the laptop as a reason why he could not pay, some cock-and-bull about not working properly. I explained that the one had nothing to do with the other so he then went on to moan about the workstation and that that also was running like a dog.

"But the invoice is for fixing your mouse! what has the PC running slow got to do with the mouse?" I said, he then tried the old chestnut of "Well if you don't want the business...." actua…