Are you serious?

Customer: "I'm upgrading CAD and apparently I need 16 Grand of memory." Colleague: "Bwahahahahaha" 16GB

Customer: "I've been sent an email from Russia but ESET Anti Virus has quarantined it." Engineer: "And?" Customer:  "Well I want to read it." Engineer: "But it clearly has a virus?" Customer:  "Can you read it?" Engineer: "No, it has a virus." Customer:  "Should I get them to send it again then?" Engineer: "You can but I suspect that too will be infected." Customer:  "Is there a way to stop ESET quarantining it?" Engineer: "Yes, get the sender to clean the viruses off their machine." Mankind has reached it's evolutionary peak.

Customer: "Is xyz there?" Me: "I'm afraid he's at lunch." Customer:  "Well he was logged into my machine and I cant close the box." Me:  "Oh, well as I said he's at lunch. If you're desperate, reboot the PC that will sever the link." Customer:  "Cant you close it?" Me:  "I do not have access to his machine, I don't know the password." Customer:  "I need to sort some stuff out on my machine." Me:  "Well this is why I suggested rebooting. If you can hang on xyz will be back in say an hour." Customer:  "Nobody will be here, I need to go out." Me:  "Well reboot then?" Customer:  "But I don't want to do that." Me:  "Then wait for xyz" Customer:  "But I need this stuff now." Me:  "I have no other solutions for you." /me smacks head off desk!