Friday, 17 October 2008

Stop Thief!

We have a small car park here at work which is behind the office one of the Engineers was loading his car up when some hooded scum bag came through the gates, up the side of the building, then looked around the car and promptly went to the drivers side and nicked the Engineers Sat-Nav!

We have it all on CCTV not that it will do any good, the efficient Police said they would come on Monday at 10.00am to look at the recording. Not bad really only four days after the event.

Of course there is no clear shot of thief's face they're too clever for that so I suppose 30 minutes later he was shoving the proceeds of his ill gotten gains into his arm or up what remains of his nostrils.

Wednesday, 15 October 2008

Help me do something I shouldn't

Yesterday I took a phone call from one of our customers I've had dealings with this lady for some time now she works part time as a general bod yet behaves as if she is a Director which is pretty funny seeing as a yet to be discovered pygmy in the deepest jungle would be more computer literate than she is!

Anyway it turns out she is trying to get at the contacts of a Co-Workers MS Outlook! She was using the pathetic excuse of "I need to get it backed up to my USB drive as all the information is on her PC" sounded fair enough at first but as the conversation progressed I started to have some suspicions, I asked if the Co-Worker backed up her PC to a server or some alternate backup device.

"Yes she backs up the contacts I think" I asked how that was done? Did she export them first then move them to a backup? "Oh, um, I don't really know" so had she asked was my next statement "Well no I haven't but I managed to get two files off her machine but I cant get the stuff into my Contacts Address book".

Ah now the penny drops, it has nothing to do with backups or data security she wants to poach the contacts for some reason and is so thick she has no idea how to Export then Import them so rings us hoping we would be dumb enough to tell her how to perform her dodgy escapade. The proof of which was when I said it was a service we would be happy to provide for a fee "Oh, um, I'm not sure, er, Ooh" I then suggested she speak to the Co-Worker about how she backs up. "Oh its OK I think I will leave it for now"

I was going to hit her stupid excuse for six by telling her that seeing as they have MS Exchange all the Emails & Contacts are backed up anyway but I must have been in a good mood and let her off with a cynical "Bye then".

Friday, 3 October 2008

Even I get it wrong

I'm a reseller of ESET Nod32 its pretty easy really someone asks for X amounts I pop the figure in an excel spreadsheet and back comes the price.

I've just quoted a 15 User for 2 Years when the customer emailed "Can you do anything on the price? We've looked at some Internet sites and can get it cheaper". Getting the hump as usual I mailed back asking if they could provide the URL so I could look into it, to my surprise they mailed back saying it was ESET's own site!

Now I'd quoted £444.40 however they had a price of £433.20 when I checked my price matrix I found they was right and I was wrong.

Mind you fancy moaning about £11.20 But yes even I get it wrong sometimes.

I cant FTP

So todays idiot rings in;
"Hi I look after xxxxx Ltd and xxxxx Ltd I can upload stuff via wsFTP to either of these sites but I cant upload to another one I look after".

OK whats this site then? After a bit of smoke screen dancing around its his personal site.
Now this is the fun bit by the way, he does web design which I presume he charges for and is at a mutual customers premises and wants to FTP some 'personal' stuff to his 'personal' website.

I asked him for the URL, User name and password. Using Filezilla I had a go myself sure enough Filezilla connected to the server and asked for the user name which was accepted then of course the password Oh dear "Access Denied".

Are you sure thats the right password? "Yes its what I have written down, oh hang on I think I might have changed the password I'll have to ring my hosting service as I cant remember what it is."

Well thats why you cant log in!

To put it into context this Moron was trying to make out our service (What service I cant think of) was stopping him accessing his personal site which we do not host anyway, thereby making it our problem rather than his. More importantly if he cant even remember that he has changed his FTP password or even what it is what must that say for the quality of work he does on customers websites?

Thursday, 2 October 2008

"If I'm honest I cant be bothered to learn"

How many support desk workers hear "I'm not computer literate" or "I don't know the correct term" or even "I know nothing about computers" yet there they are assuring their employers that they can do the job they are paid to do.

Its a bit like crashing your car and killing fifty two innocent people and standing before the judge and saying "Well the brakes may well have been worn out but I know nothing about cars".

I don't accept or believe these pathetic excuses what they are really saying is "Look I'm a lazy toe rag I pretend that my job is far too important for me to learn even the basics about the machine that I produce my work on and anyway why should I bother to learn when you peasants can sort it out for me?"

As an example I answered the phone today and got "Hi I cant access the purchase orders it says Access cannot open the file as it has either been converted to a newer version or it may be damaged" Now this seems pretty straight forward either somebody has converted it or its corrupted (As the error message said) we didn't write the database so its not our responsibility but then the moron said "I had to have my email looked at the other day as I couldn't access it (Note the word Access) it was after that the file wouldn't open anymore".

So what he is trying to say here is that by us messing around with MS Outlook that has some how made MS Access stop working which is a total cover story for "I'm way too lazy to try and track down the database creator and get this sorted and I'm hoping by telling you I'm not computer literate you'll take pity and sort this out for me for absolutely no money for you"

Unfortunately for him I'm made of sterner stuff.